Without him
by Mrs PurplePebble
Summary: "We all need somone...even if its just to hold your hand when you can't see." An alternate mid to end for S1 'The poisoned chalice.' What would happen if Arthur hadn't gone so quietly to the cells on his return? Merthur implied. Please R&R. Complete
1. Chapter 1

A/n. Hi there, this is just a little something that struck me after watching 'the poisoned chalice.' and it's taken me a week or two to work out whether it was worth doing anything with. But hey if I put it up here you guys can tell me that.

It starts a little more than half way through the episode, and takes a different path, hopefully that's obvious when you get to read it. (could almost be a missing scene if you choose to read it that way)

Lightly implied Merthur, You can miss it if you wish.

Hope you enjoy and review. There is a front cover picture to accompany this fic now on my bio:)

Oh yes the **disclaimer**, knew I forgot something. I don't own them, I don't make any money from this, I'm just playing, and I promise to put them back when I'm done. ;P

ok so...

**Chapter One**

* * *

Arthur paused at the gate, had he really heard those words correct.

"I'm sorry sire, you're under arrest," The guard repeated, and fought to keep the nervousness coursing through his veins from his voice. It was not every day he had to speak those words to a prince.

"No," Arthur shook his head, as his grip on his horses rein tightened; he had gone through too much, to be thwarted now. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes found the blue orb that had lit his way home, flitting in and around the edge of the forest, almost as if it was reluctant to leave. Someone had helped him, he was sure of it, and he couldn't let that go to waste.

"NO!" he repeated louder this time, and with his tight grip pulled his horse up onto its back legs, forcing the guards blocking his way scrambling for cover or risk being trampled.

With the path now free, he urged the animal forward into the courtyard with as much speed as he could muster. He knew he would not have long before the guards he had just scattered, caught up with him, but he had to try.

Throwing himself from the saddle, he abandoned the horse in the middle of the square, and with a smack on its haunch, intended to keep it moving, he turned away. He could already hear the thundering footsteps of heavily armoured guards, heading his way, but hoped the loose animal would at least buy him a couple more seconds. With his heart in his mouth, he took the steps up to Gaius chamber two at a time.

-o-

Gaius stood by the window, looking up at the ever changing sky. His hands moved automatically mixing the potion he held. It wouldn't make a difference he knew that, but he had to try something. Finally looking back to the boy on the bed he sighed, he had known him such a short time, yet he meant so much now. To all of them truly, a companion to himself, the son he had never had if he was honest. A true friend to Gwen, Morgana and Arthur, maybe even more. With his easy way and honest heart, he had charmed them all, and if today were to be his last, Gaius couldn't help but think on how unfair that would be.

His eyes unwittingly moved to the bright blue orb still floating just above Merlin's right hand. Even when the boy was unconscious he couldn't stop using magic. If the consequences of such were not so dire, Gaius would have been tempted to chuckle.

He wasn't.

He had already lied, to ban Gwen from the room to keep her from seeing.

Setting down the potion, Gaius lowered his tired bones to a nearby stool, and rested for a second, he felt so helpless. The magic Merlin used in his unconsciousness was so strong he didn't even know how it came about; let alone how to stop it, if needed.

He could only hope the need for the magic, something to do with helping Arthur if Merlin's confused words were anything to go by, would be gone by the time the prince returned. After all a servant girl's gossip could easily be dismissed, if Gwen had witnessed anything; Arthur's word how ever could be the end for all of them.

Like so many of Gaius' wishes, the last one was to be un-granted.

-o-

With sweat on his brow, and half of his armour discarded on the stairs, Arthur reached Gaius room, only to find the door closed, and Gwen leaning silently against it. The sight flipped his stomach over.

"He's not de…" the word stumbled on his lips.

Surprised to see her prince so dishevelled, it took Gwen a second before she realised he had even spoken. "No, No Sire." She quickly reassured him moving away from the door. "Gaius just asked me to…"

Arthur was moving again, her denial was all he needed. Throwing himself at the closed door, he stumbled into the room as the catch broke under his weight.

"Gaius I have…" his words failed him again, as his eyes moved to the brightest thing in the room.

Jumping up Gaius moved quicker than he had in years, and tried to throw the blanket Merlin had kicked of yet again, back over his frail body, and the orb, but he was not quick enough, and now the Arthur moved through the room quicker.

A small gasp at the door drew Gaius' attention for a second, but seeing only Gwen there his eyes returned to the prince.

"What is that?" Arthur fought to steady his voice, and he heard it turn cold. Moving closer to Merlin, his eyes were transfixed on the blue shimmering globe.

"That light, I saw it! Did Merlin send it? Is it… magic?" Arthur's thoughts tumbled from his mouth as his brain worked hard to try to piece things together.

"Please sire," Gaius moved closer to the bed, "he is just a boy." The word's the physician had used on the king were now aimed at the prince. "He doesn't know what he's doing, he's sick."

Arthur's top lip twitched, he wasn't listening to the old man, he could not pull his eyes from the globe, and the thought it brought; Merlin had saved him, again.

The tromp of the boots that were following Arthur, suddenly sounded loud in his head, and a shout from Gwen let him know his fathers soldiers would soon be on him.

Panic shot through the boy prince, they couldn't see this, they would tell his father, and he would kill Merlin himself, he couldn't let that happen.

"Merlin." His hand moved to the boys shoulder and shook him roughly. "Merlin stop it!" he ordered in his best prince voice. The one that made most servants run to comply with his wishes. "Come on, wake up."

"I don't think he can." Gaius whispered, leaning close to the prince. Realising it for the first time as he said it. "He doesn't have the strength."

"Prince Arthur!" the guards were so close they were calling his name now. His frantic eyes for a second met Gaius worried ones, before he instinctively knew what he had to do. Throwing his own hand out his fingers moved around the ball of light and magic, and making a fist he crushed it in one quick movement.

Merlin reacted almost immediately, his eyes opened wide, and his body jolted upright on the bed, as a gasp of breath ripped through his chest.

"Merlin," the word had barely left Arthurs lips before the guards that he had been dreading had their hands on him, and were trying to pull him from the room.

The young magician did not answer him; he did not even turn his way. As quick as they had opened his eyes were shut and he fell back heavy to the bed, his chest still, not even moving to take a breath.

"No, no," Arthur fought against the guards harder now as they dragged him to the door. He could see Gaius, his head against Merlin's chest desperately seeking some kind of sign the boy was ok.

Looking first to Gwen, now by his side and then to Arthur by the door, Gaius fought against the tears welling in his eyes, "His heart has stopped."

A sob escaped Gwen as she fell to the floor, but it paled against the howl that ripped from Arthur's throat, as he was bundled finally through the door and away from the man; he had tried so hard to save.

"MERLIN!"

* * *

a/n. yay a cliff hanger (oh i do love them)  
ok so, is it worth a second chapter? did you like?  
thanks for reading wheather you enjoyed or (hopefully not) not.  
please review, it makes me happy.

PP xx


	2. Chapter 2

a/n.  
Hi all, Wow I can't believe so many of you asked for a second chapter. Well here it is, and it's dedicated to every single one of you lovely people that left me a review.  
Normally i only post once a week, but you guys gave me such a buzz, I couldn't resist a mid week treat. ;)

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much.

Chapter two.

* * *

Sitting in his cell, Arthur pouted and sniffed. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't, not in front of the guards posted outside the door anyway. His father would have a field day if he heard about it, the prince crying over a servant boy, ridiculous. However, it wasn't just a servant that lay dead because of him, it was Merlin, and Arthur wasn't sure why that mattered but it did.

Merlin confused him, irritated him, argued with him, and was useless at just about everything Arthur had ever asked him to do, but the mere thought of going back to a life without him around, left Arthur gasping for breath.

Only did the noise of the locks on his cell door being opened finally pull his attention away from his thoughts, and memories of his former servant.

"Father!" Jumping to his feet Arthur swallowed all his emotion and greeted the king as he appeared in the doorway.

Uther just looked at his son for a second. He looked so young in his casual clothes, the red shirt contrasting against his light hair, but still the king couldn't bring himself to even greet the boy, his anger reigned supreme. "You disobeyed me."

"Of course I did. A man's life is at stake..." The image of Merlin's body dropping back to the bed suddenly flashed in Arthur's mind. "Was at stake." He corrected, and felt that now familiar bubble appear in his chest.

Uther's face remained expressionless. "And still he is dead. Maybe now you will learn there is a right, and a wrong way of doing things."

Arthur fought to keep his hands from forming fists; it hurt to hear confirmation of Merlin's fate even though he had seen it himself. "If you had let me go sooner, then maybe…" his guilt begun to overwhelm him, and he was forced to pause, as the words caught in his dry throat.

Uther noticed of course, as was his way. The times his boy let him down always shone brighter in his mind, than the times he had made him proud. "Why do you care so much?" he questioned. "The boy was just a servant."

Arthur took a deep breath; "He saved me." He answered softly and simply, lacking the energy to say anymore.

Uther turned away, and stepped out of the cell. "That was his job."

-o-

Still lying on the floor, Gwen could not stop crying. How could he be gone? He was her best friend, she might not be his, she understood that, but he was all she had. Her relationship with Morgana was nowhere near as close as Merlin had been with Arthur, and now he was gone she would be lonely again. She felt so numb; it had to be a mistake. He couldn't be dead.

"Come my dear." Suddenly she felt Gaius' friendly hand on her arm, his voice soft and comforting. "Nothing can be done."

Gwen resisted standing up; she couldn't face looking down at Merlin, and know that he would never look back at her. "Please Gaius," she whispered, her eyes boring into his. "You have to do something, make him well again, please."

Gaius looked away from her pleading eyes, and to the still body of his boy. He couldn't even begin to look at his own feelings about losing him. "I can't." he answered as softly as she had asked. "I don't know how."

More heartfelt sobs answered him from the floor, and he sighed. Her reaction was to be expected of course, her crush on Merlin hadn't gone unnoticed. Well except by Merlin himself of course. The depth of Arthur's reaction was a little more surprising. Not as much as it should have been perhaps, but for someone who had paid as much attention as Gaius had to the boys ever growing friendship, it made sense.

"The cure." Gwen suddenly spoke clearly pulling the physician from his thoughts. "Maybe it's not too late."

Gaius looked back down at her only to find she wasn't where he had left her, she was now crawling on hands and knees across his dusty floor. "Gwen," he called softly. "Come on."

Finally standing up the servant girl, smiled at him desperately. With the tracks of her tears still clear on her face, she held up what had caught her eye, and pulled her from her sorrow. "The flower, won't it work?"

"Well I'll be…" Gaius crossed to her the whole time his eyes on the deadly flower, with two of its curative leaves still attached. "Arthur must have dropped it when…" his thoughts trailed of again, as he took it from her hand. Could it work? He wondered. Should he even try? Merlin's destiny was a complex one, would this be interfering or helping.

"Gaius, will it work?" Gwen demanded.

-o-

Falling back down to the hard straw covered floor, that would serve as his bed for the next seven nights, Arthur thought of the conversation he had just finished. His father was not impressed with his theory about the poisoning not being of Beillard's doing. But he didn't care, he had said his piece and if his father decided to start a war needlessly it would be his problem.

Instead, three little words rattled around his head.

He saved me.

He saved me.

He saved me.

Merlin had saved his life physically, more than once now. After all that was how he got his job in the first place, but as Arthur sat in the silent cell, he couldn't deny Merlin had saved him in other ways too.

Just having the young servant around, had coloured Arthur's days, and no longer did they run inanely into each other with endless monotony. At least once a day, the boy managed to do something that amused him. There was more to it than just high spirits though. In those cold hard moments, whenever the feeling of loneliness Arthur had struggled with his entire life, threatened to overcome him, he could always guarantee on Merlin to be there when he called.

Now who could he turn too? Morgana? She had always been around, but never his first port of call. The only time she had comforted him was when she found him, never the other way round. Gwen? He hadn't even known the servant girl's name till Merlin had told him of it, repeatedly. Perhaps he could spend even more time with those vacuous so called friends of his that only cared about his title, portraying there own macho image, and agreeing with his every word.

These were hardly tempting options, but what else did he have? The image of Merlin's sweat soaked, lifeless body hammed home that the answer was no-one.

If his father was correct, and Merlin was just a servant, why did Arthur feel like he had lost not only a friend, but part of himself?

Throwing his head back in frustration, he let it bounce solidly of the brick wall. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the waves of pain the action caused. He'd learnt a long time ago physical pain was easier to deal with than emotional.

-o-

Gaius sat next to Merlin's bed, and reached out to touch the boy's arm. It was still warm; his skin had not cooled, as it should have done. Gaius couldn't deny the spark of hope that fact ignited in his heart.

"Well?" Gwen prompted her face so full of hope.

Gaius nodded as he looked to the small cup of liquid bubbling in his other hand, enhanced by word's he had thought long forgotten, while Gwen was out of earshot.

"Worth a try." He confirmed both to himself and to her.

Standing up, Gwen laid the palm of her hand against Merlin's forehead, her fingers splaying in his wet hair, and for a second stared at his pale face. "I'm sorry," she whispered too gently to be heard, before pushing down hard and forcing Merlin's head back and his mouth open.

With his hand stroking the boy's throat, Gaius poured the potion past his cold lips before he had time to think twice about what he was doing.

A choking sound immediately emanated from Merlin's throat, and Gwen gasping with joy let go of her grip.

Standing back Gaius was silent, desperately praying that the potion, and his own magic was indeed working, and not that he would have to explain to Gwen about a death rattle.

Answers came to his prayers quickly as Merlin's eyes opened, and he took a breath a deep one, but before he could take another Gwen's lips were on his, and she kissed him.

Merlin froze instantly, her body felt warm as she held him tight, but something was wrong.

Gaius turned away just for a brief second, taking his own deep breath, and treated himself with a large smiled. The boy was indeed alive.

"err, Gwen?" Merlin's tired voiced, forced Gaius to turn back.

"Oh gods sorry," Remembering her-self Gwen let go of the grip she had around Merlin's body and stood up blushing furiously. "Sorry, sorry."

Gaius watched as Merlin smiled good naturedly, but failed to look at either of them directly. Something was wrong.

"Its fine," Merlin nodded, and propped himself up on the bed, becoming aware of a throbbing in his bottom lip, as he forced a smile. "Really, it's… fine, but can I have some water?"

Gwen nodded, and picked up the cup she had carried earlier, "of course, of course." She flustered, and practically skipped from the room. Eager not only to help in any way she could, but for a little cool air to ease her blushes.

"Gaius?" Merlin turned immediately to his protector.

"I'm here," Gaius reached out and took one of the boy's hands. "She's gone," he added as Gwen moved out of the door.

"Gaius," Merlin was whispering now, as his face crumpled, and both his hands reached out to grip on to the old man's clothes desperately. "Gaius, I can't see anything."

* * *

A/n. So another cliff hanger, yes i know i'm a meanie. but hey merlin's back, yay!  
Thanks for reading, please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. ( I only know mine, and they're boring ;p )

Love, Orchid star Xx


	3. Chapter 3

A/n. Good morning,  
Ch3 here as promised. Welcolme to new and old reviewers, this as all ways is for you. Love also to my boyfriend for beng patient and encouraging.

hope you enjoy. x

* * *

Chapter Three.

* * *

The headache Arthur had given himself thumped behind his eyes, as he looked up to the small window high in the cell's wall. Night had fallen and through the window a few stars twinkled their existence at him. It provided no comfort, nothing did.

Morgana had been by earlier, an hour or so, but he hadn't spoken to her, not even when she screamed at him, with tears in her eyes, that his servant was dead.

He knew it, he did know why she was telling him, or even how she knew, but what did she expect from him?

It was ok for her, tears just showed she was human, for him tears would have only shown he was weak. The future king of Camelot could not be weak, could not have a servant as a friend, and could not even save a life when he tried.

Rolling over on the straw, he stared at the brick wall. He couldn't even begin to comprehend he had seen Merlin using magic. Not that it mattered any more. An ironic smile appeared on his face as he realised he had done something his father would have approved of. By failing to be quick enough to save Merlin's life, he had killed a magic user. How proud his father would be if he knew.

-o-

"Explain it to me again." Gaius demanded as for the hundredth time he waved his hand in front of Merlin's open eyes, and studied him for a reaction.

Merlin shifted uncomfortably on the bed, he was tired and his body ached. "Gaius," he slapped at the old man's hand. "I can feel you doing that."

Gaius sighed, since they had sent Gwen home they had been over this a dozen times, but still he couldn't understand. All the other effects of the poison had gone, and there was no mention of blindness in any of his books. "You must remember something."

Merlin sighed and closed his eyes. Not because he had to, but because it was less scary. After all not being able to see anything with his eyes closed was normal. "I remember hitting the floor," he spoke softly starting right back again at the beginning. "I remember," he squinted a little. "Warm arms, and then nothing till the cave."

"The cave?" Gaius repeated the words he hadn't heard before.

Merlin continued as if he hadn't heard the question. "Arthur was in trouble, he couldn't see, i couldn't see, it was too dark, and there were these things." Merlin began scratching at his arms as he remembered the bugs. "His heart beat so loud, he was so tired, he's not going to make it. I have to see, have to help, A spell!" Merlin's eyes opened to nothing, and he fought to shake himself out of the memories. A hard job without anything to counteract them. "I cast a spell Gaius, when I was poisoned. It was to keep Arthur safe, light the way home."

Gaius nodded, he knew of the spell, and guessed at the reasoning. That much made sense, the rest… he shook his head. Now was not the time for questioning how Merlin had known Arthur had needed him, although it would definitely have to be raised later.

"You knew." Merlin accused in the silence that followed his revelation.

Gaius starred into the boys open, but blank eyes. He saw no reason to deny it, they would have to talk about the fact that Arthur knew too at some point. "It was a very powerful spell Merlin; it was hooked into you in a way I've never seen. You may have sent the orb to follow Arthur, but it was here too. You held it in your hand physically."

"Arthur," the name whispered across Merlin's lips and he sat up quickly. Guilt, tearing at his bones, that he hadn't asked before. "What happened? Where is he?"

"Easy," Gaius warned and pushed him back down. "Arthur returned safe, he is in the castle." He answered cautiously not wanting to worry the boy more, with tales of the prince's incarceration.

"I have to see him," Merlin demanded, oblivious to how ludicrous a request that was in his current predicament.

"You have to remember what happened with the spell," Gaius corrected. A worrying theory forming in his mind, as he remembered the way Arthur had crushed that very orb Merlin was seeing through.

Merlin bit at his lip, and instantly winced. He had bit it harder earlier, when Gwen had let go of his head, and now it was swollen and sore. The pain didn't remove his compulsion to argue, he wanted to see Arthur with every fibre of his being.

He remembered the way Arthur had stared at him with those big blue eyes so full of worry, as he drained that blasted chalice of its harmful potion. They may have been the last thing he saw, but it wasn't all he remembered. He knew it was Arthur whose hands had reached him first. That it was Arthur who carried him all the way from the great hall, to this bed, pausing only to growl at the guard who offered to carry the servant for him. He knew it was stupid, and that Gaius would cuff his already aching head for thinking it, but during those first few minuets cradled in Arthur's arms. When his fever was spiking and the poison taken hold, he had never felt safer.

Closing his eyes once more, he tried to concentrate on his disjointed but albeit safer memories of a day later. "The light," he repeated. "It helped me see, I followed Arthur all the way back, he rode all night. His arms are bruised. I stopped it in the forest; I knew the light couldn't go into the castle. Then…" Merlin squeezed his eyes tighter, and screamed in frustration. Gaius hand was on his shoulder immediately. "A bright light and then nothing." Merlin opened his eyes. "Nothing. Just like now."

'Nothing' wasn't right; Merlin could see something, just a blur of colour in his darkness on occasions. Yellow when Gwen was around earlier, a grey when Gaius entered his vision, and a bright red, the same colour as his blasted official servants outfit, when he looked to his own hand. Still what was colour? Nothing, so that is what he called it.

If he had felt useless at various times in his life before, he felt it strongest now. Not only was he a wizard who couldn't do magic, but he was a boy who couldn't see.

"Gaius," he whispered. "What's wrong with me?"

Gaius pursed his lips, he had not heard Merlin sound so vulnerable since the night he had arrived, and for the first time was grateful the boy could not see his worried face.

"Nothing," he soothed and stroked the boy's forehead as he reached for a sleeping drought. "Rest. We can continue in the morning."

-o-

Only after the moon had slipped past its zenith did Arthur finally succumb to sleep and the dreams that had him twisting and turning on the cold floor.

_Back in the cave, he clung desperately to the rock, the muscles in his arms burning as inch by inch he made his way up in the darkness. No magic light guided him this time; the darkness lying heavy on his shoulders. Pausing he took a deep breath and chased away his childhood fears of the dark. He could do this. All he had to do was keep moving up._

_"Arthur!" Uther's voice suddenly echoed loudly through the cavern, from below. "Arthur where are you going?"_

_Squinting back down the rock face he had just climbed, Arthur shook his head. No, no it couldn't be. His father's hands, large and old griped the very ledge he had hung from until his muscles had burnt bruises into his skin._

_"Father." His heart lurched, as the word slip from his lips. Without a second thought, he scrambled back the way he had come, not caring as he disturbed the rocks he had just used. He had to get to his father, he couldn't lose him._

_Falling to his knee's as he reached the ledge, Arthur's fingers brushed his fathers, just as he noticed a second set of hands. Smaller, softer, and with fingernails blunt and filthy, the fingers burned white as they clung to the crumbling rock._

_Daring to peer over the perilous edge, another name escaped Arthur's lips._

_"Merlin!"_

_His man servant's face grinned back up at him, with wide eyes, which crinkled around the edge with the effort of hold himself up._

_"Arthur, come on." Uther's voice demanded impatiently in his head, but still he couldn't pull his eyes away from Merlin's face._

_The boy said nothing to him, asked for nothing; even though it was obvious he was in pain, he just kept smiling that damned infectious grin. Finally, Merlin's deep eyes flicked away just for a second, to look below._

_Following them, Arthur saw movement, creatures, the same as the one he had just defeated, swarming towards Merlin's feet. Panic flooded Arthur, and he instantly reached for Merlin's hands, desperate to pull him from danger._

_"Arthur!"_

_Looking to his father as his name once more bounced of the walls of the cavern. Arthur froze. The creatures were almost upon him too, and the dilemma complete. By the time Arthur saved one of them, the other would be devoured. He had to choose. The realisation sent a searing pain through Arthur's chest, and suddenly he couldn't breathe._

Jolting up right on his bed, Arthur gasped for breath, and his eyes darted around the cell as he reassured himself the choice, had just been a dream. With his bottom lip quivering as he tried to control his breathing, Arthur laid a shaking hand against his chest, only to find his shirt soaked through. What was happening to him? He didn't have nightmares, that was Morgana's trick.

* * *

A/N aww poor Arthur's having nightmares. But if he hadn't of woken who do you think he would have choosen?

Next ch probably next sunday, unless i get annother mid-week urge, and the demand is high.

anyway this wasn't one of my favourite chapters, but i hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review, let me know what your thinking.

Love Orchid Star Xx


	4. Chapter 4

A/N. Hi guys,

Sorry for no mid-week update, this chapter wasn't easy to write, and i was a little busy.... getting proposed too by my wonderful boyfriend. yay!!!

anyway here's the chapter!

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

Humming softly to herself Gwen knocked lightly on the wooden door of her mistresses' room, before entering. "Good morning." She called good-naturedly to the mass of sheets on the bed. Not a single part of her lady was visible, but Gwen knew she was there, somewhere, tangled among the sheets. It always amused her how her mistress started the night so peacefully, and greeted the morning so messily.

Forcing her sore eyes open, Morgana looked around her, before she sat up and starred at Gwen for a second. Her handmaiden moved about the room, unaware of her gaze as she readied the Lady's clothes for the coming day. "Gwen? What are you doing here?"

Turning back to the bed, Gwen could not miss Morgana this time. Her raven hair, flowing untidily across her shoulder, stood out against the white bed coverings. As did the intense colour of her lips; it appeared she had not removed the die Gwen had painted there yesterday morning, before sleeping. Gwen idly wondered what else the lady had forgone without her regular handmaiden to help.

"It's morning." She answered eventually. "I brought your clothes."

Morgana's face sunk sadly. The same as it had when Uther had told her the news of Merlin's death.

She had expected Gwen to still be grieving, in fact, she had planned to visit her home later that day, but how brave the girl was. "Come here," she urged and patted the edge of her own bed. "I did not expect you today." She continued softly, only after Gwen had complied. "I know you and Merlin were close, so I understand..."

"Merlin?" Gwen's face lit up, at the boy's name. "I will visit him later today, but I can do my duties first" she reassured.

"Visit him?" Morgana was confused. The king himself had broken the news to her of the boy's death, and Arthur certainly hadn't denied it when she had visited him. "But… Arthur told the king he did not survive."

Gwen froze, she didn't know the lady had heard about those worse few minutes of her life, and she certainly didn't know how to explain it.

-o-

"Take it away!"

Sitting with his back flat against the far wall, Arthur repeated the only words he had spoken, since his conversation with his father yesterday morning. Staring straight at the servant girl in the doorway, his intense gaze challenged her to disobey the order.

The girl paused and looked down at the plate of breakfast she had been ordered to bring. Piled high with fresh fruits, it had come straight from the king's table, and looked too tempting for words. Silently she turned away. Who was she to question a prince's word?

Arthur's face twisted in disgust, and he shook his head gently. Of course she would obey him, they always did. No one ever stood up to him, challenged him, no one apart from his father and Merlin. At the thought of both men, his stomach rolled over, last night's dream still too fresh in his mind.  
Closing his eyes he rested back against the wall, he was tired, but he daren't attempt sleep again, he couldn't stand another nightmare. Give him a dragon to fight, a race to run, his father to impress, anything but a dream about his manservant. He wasn't sure what bothered him more, being forced to make that choice, or just seeing Merlin's face, smiling and alive once more.

Grunting in frustration he slammed his closed fist into the floor. He hated feeling like this, so… so helpless, pathetic, out of control, everything a good prince shouldn't be, and not knowing why. He could hardly claim to have never been responsible for a death before, even that of someone close. Since the moment of his birth it seemed Arthur found death as a constant companion. It was no longer something that scared him or he even thought about. In battle he could always do what was needed of him better than the next man and, never before had the result of his actions caused him so much regret or pain. Well not since that first time anyway.

He was just a boy of six, practising with his sword master, when that first official kill came. His father having been noticeably absent for the last few month, walked on to the field that day, apparently to finally pay an interest in his son's achievements. Even back then Arthur knew his father's praise was hard won. So pushing himself harder than ever before, trying to recreate perfectly all the moves he had been taught, he landed a lucky strike, and cut deep into his trainer's stomach.

Gaius was sent for immediately of course, but on the cold winter morning, in the middle of the training field, even he couldn't do anything, and told the king as much with an eventual shake of his head.

"Very well then." Uther had spoken, laying his hand on the shoulder of the shocked boy in front of him. Who despite the physicians misgivings, he had insisted stay and watch. "We have to get you a better teacher."

That night the young Arthur Pendragon climbed from his bed shaking, with tears on his cheeks. The nightmare that had awoken him, was filled with the images of his dead teacher and the river of blood that had flown so freely from him. Sneaking through the dark corridors, he passed guards that would not question him, and found his father's room. "Father?" the cry for comfort escaped his childish lips, as he opened the door, only to find himself immediately lifted in to the king's arms.

"Shh," Uther urged instantly as his boys arm's moved around his neck, and he held on tight. Moving to a chair in the corner of his large bedroom, the king sat with the prince on his lap and pointed to the large bed. "Morgana has had a bad dream." He explained and pointed to the sleeping girl, curled in the warm bed. "We mustn't wake her."

Opening his eyes, Arthur remembered it so clearly. It was the last time he had gone to his father for comfort, and the last time he allowed himself a nightmare, until last night.

-o-

Sitting in the low morning light, more than one heavy book open in front of him, Gaius' head nodded forward, and he woke himself up as it slipped from his hand. Removing his glasses, he sighed as he looked over to the empty bed, where Merlin spent the night grumbling and moaning in his sleep, writhing on the bed, with almost the same ferocity as he had when he was poisoned. It seemed sleep was not as peaceful a state as Gaius had hoped for the young boy. When Merlin eventually woke himself up, all he could claim to remember from those disturbed dreams was the presence of stars. Bright and twinkling, so full of colour, the way Merlin had described the celestial bodies with such depth, and passion the old man felt as if he had seen them himself.

Forcing his old bones to stand up, Gaius looked at the closed door of Merlin's room. Having led him there with a guiding hand sometime back, Gaius had agreed to the boy's wish for privacy, only on the condition, that once he was rested they speak more about yesterday's events. Having found no joy in his books, other than the opportunity to sleep himself, Gaius knew now was that time.

His steps in that direction were stopped, by a gentle taping on the outside door. Looking towards it, Gaius could make an educated guess, whose hand it was that caused it. Very few people in the castle would respect the privacy of a closed door. Moving that way now instead he smiled, as opening the door his guess was proved correct.

"Gwen." He greeted, before bowing his head, "and Lady Morgana."

"We have come to visit Merlin, if that is ok?" Morgana asked walking into the room. "Gwen tells me he is recovered?"

Gaius nodded, and speared the briefest of looks to the servant. He wondered how much she had told of yesterdays deed "He is." Gaius answered. "Although the poison was strong, Arthur returned just in time."

Morgana smiled, she was happy at the news, but couldn't help wonder, why it had been so different last night. "Last night," she began softly. "Arthur reported he was… dead."

Gaius feigned shock, "Oh my dear, No, no." before replacing it with a look of realisation. "It is true before I could administer the cure; Merlin suffered a seizure of the heart. Which Arthur witnessed." Gaius explained, ignoring the twinge of misgiving he had at lying to the girl. "A dreadful thing to see, but not fatal."

Standing behind her lady, Gwen listened carefully to Gaius' explanation. She knew something more was going on. Last night Gaius had been convinced of Merlin's death just as much as she, and apparently Arthur had. However, she could never betray Merlin or indeed Gaius by voicing her suspicion. Especially because it involved magic, her experiences of being falsely accused were not so easy to forget. "Can we see him?" she asked eagerly stepping forward now it appeared Morgana's questions had been answered.

"Ah...well" Gaius glanced back at the closed door. He hadn't even begun to discuss with Merlin what they were going to do about his current state, or even how he felt about others knowing. Quickly running through the option's he choose the safest one. "He's resting."

"No I'm not."

Spinning back to the door he was so sure was closed but a moment ago; Gaius saw his charge leaning slightly against the doorway, his still too pale face fighting to keep a grin in place.

Starring at the dark space lit now with two colours, that Merlin prayed indicated his visitors he took a tentative step forward. "You came to visit?" he asked, honestly touched by the gesture.

The answer that came was not what he expected. A giggle escaped first Gwen's throat and then Morgana's. The smile now slipped from Merlin's face, what we're they laughing at? Suddenly he felt vulnerable in his dark world. Maybe he should have stayed hidden behind that door a little longer, in his own room, with no one to see him, just as he couldn't see anyone.

"Your shirt Merlin." Gaius spoke gently seeing the look on the boys face. "You have it inside out."

Looking down out of habit, Merlin pulled at the hem of the shirt, he had been proud about finding and changing. His fingers quickly found the stitching that told him Gaius spoke the truth. Forcing himself to grin he looked back to the colour of the girls. "Well I've been called blind as a bat before, I never thought it would be true."

Both girls laughed again, until they noticed he wasn't.

* * *

A/N so now the girl's know Merlin is ok, (well alive at least) it wont be long before Arthur does too, yay!

hope you guys are enjoying, i love you all for reading, please review too, and let me know what your thinking, and/or hoping for.

Love ( a future Mrs) Orchid Star Xx


	5. Chapter 5

A.N  
hi there sorry this was a day or so late, being a fiancee takes up a lot more time than i would have ever realised. lol.  
Still here it is, and its for all you lovely people who keep reading and reviewing, and asking for more.

hope you enjoy

Chapter five

* * *

With his knees pulled up tight to his chest, and with the small stream of sunlight drifting through that high window into the cell highlighting his hair, Arthur ignored his father.

"Arthur, you will answer me!"

Uther ignored the first returned plate yesterday and the second, but when this mornings' breakfast appeared untouched in front of him, he knew enough was enough. He wanted his son punished, not ill.

Standing outside the cell he looked at the grown boy, and sighed, he had no idea how to reach him. He had lost that ability so long ago, all he knew now was how to order, and command and that wasn't working.

"Sire," Only the greeting of his trusty physician, as he arrived, managed to pull Uther from his own thoughts.

"You sent for me?"

Looking to Gaius' bowing head, Uther felt a little of his worry slip away, He knew his son would be in better hands with his old friend. "I did." he answered, with a nod of his head "Arthur is…" pausing he waved his hand at the cell. "He has not eaten or slept for two days, and now he doesn't even answer."

Following the king's hand to see why the guards had arrived at his door demanding his presence a few moments ago, Gaius barely recognised the prince. It was him of course, the blond hair the muscular build, but the way he slumped into himself, the lack of life about him, was never a state Gaius had seen or would ever suspect would see him in.

"I'll have to examine him." Gaius pointed to the closed cell door, as he wondered if the prince's quest had been harder than he had let on.

"Of course, of course." Uther agreed, and waved his hands at the guards, ordering them to open the door.

Gaius' presence in the cell finally seemed to stir the previously distracted boy. As he approached, Arthur turned his head, and in that second when their eyes met Gaius knew the boys ailing was nothing he could treat with potions or herbs.

Uther stepped away, after watching Gaius kneel next to his son, and pull the boys hands into his. He was no longer needed, and even though it hurt to do so, it was just something he accepted. Pausing he turned back. He was not completely cold to what was happening in court. "Gaius." He called. "I am sorry for your loss."

Looking from the broken prince to the king, Gaius had little time to think. "Merlin?" he questioned, and felt Arthur's grip reflectively tighten at the name. "News of his death has been greatly exaggerated sire." He announced calmly. "He is recovering well."

-o-

"I am blind, but not deaf." Merlin finally broke the silence around him. "Please speak?"

As Gaius was called away, he had asked Gwen and Morgana to stay with the boy. Although they had readily agreed, with neither of them having spoken a word since the door banged shut behind Gaius, Merlin was beginning to wonder if it had been a lie.

"Oh Merlin." Finally, the voice of Gwen broke the silence, and he felt her grab at his hands. "I'm sorry."

Smiling almost with relief, he patted her hands. "I'm fine really. Gaius says it just part of the poison. It might wear off in a day or too." He added hopefully, and nodded his head for effect, even though he knew deep down that was unlikly at best.

"Can you see nothing at all?" Gwen asked after a moment, and Merlin could hear the pain in her voice.

"Nothing." He confirmed, and waved his hands in front of his face. "All is black."

He wasn't sure why he lied, why he didn't tell them about the blurs of colour shooting across his vision as his broken eyes tracked his hands, but he couldn't bring himself too. It was all he had left, the vivid scarlet of his right hand, and the duller crimson of his left.

Slowly Morgana moved across the room and closer to the bed Merlin sat on. She felt her throat tighten, his deep eyes failed to follow her movement, and she realised the truth of his situation. "Is there anything we can do?" she questioned eventually.

Merlin nodded quickly, his face brightening at the thought. "Yes." He answered. "Yes. There…" he paused, dare he really ask for the thing he craved the most.

"Merlin?" Morgana prompted. "Anything."

"Arthur." Merlin spoke quickly, "I want to see him. I thought perhaps he would come, but I guess he's busy." Silence fell around him again, and Merlin began to wonder what he had said. He knew it was strange for a servant to ask for his master but he could not fight his craving to be in the presence of the man any longer, and besides Morgana had come to visit him so surely it would not be so strange.

"You don't know?" Gwen asked softly, and he felt panic rise.

Turning his head he looked towards her, and wished harder than ever before that he could see, if only just to gauge the answer to his next question. "Know what?"

"Arthur is in the cells." Morgana answered not mincing her words. "Uther is punishing him for saving you. He has been there since he returned."

Merlin was on his feet immediately. "I have to see him."

-o-

Arthur's hands had become practically vices around Gaius'. But he failed to notice the bruises he was forcing on the old man, he could barely breathe. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the words screaming in his head, escaped his tight throat. "He's… alive?"

Forcing a smile Gaius pulled his hands away from Arthur's painful grip. "Yes Sire." He admitted. "I was able to make a cure from the flower you retrieved."

"No, No," Arthur shook his head, and jumped to his feet, as denial kicked in. This couldn't be right; he had seen him, dead, the sight was not one he could forget. "He was dead!"

"What's this now?" Uther demanded, his eyes narrowing at his son's sudden burst of energy.

Climbing to his feet slower than the prince Gaius brought himself a few seconds before he approached the king, and explained the complicated events in exactly the same way as he had to the Lady Morgana; a heart seizure.

Arthur's listened intently from behind the already re-closed door. Could it really be true, Merlin was alive? "I have to see him."

Uther whose eyes were on the physician completely ignored the plea from his son. "Congratulation then Gaius, your skill has saved another." He granted not whishing to seem cold, against what was obviously good news for the man. "The less people we lose from our court the better."

Feeling frustration starting to build, Arthur tried again, "Father I have to see him."

Uther finally looked at his son, and regarded him for a second. "Come Gaius," he spoke turning away. "It seems your news alone has revived my son well enough."

With little choice but to follow the king Gaius too turned away, but not before he saw Arthur eyes harden

"Father I have to see him!" Arthur's voice doubled in volume and he slammed his hand against the cell door.

Ignoring him Uther continued walking, and with little choice and a heavy heart, Gaius followed.

"I have to see him," Arthur banged loudly on the bars of his cell until long after his father had left. "Please," he whispered the unfamiliar word eventually. "Please."

-o-

Merlin stumbled through the open courtyard, his feet unable to keep up with the pace he wanted. The two girls' called his name behind him but he ignored them, he needed only one thing, wanted only one.

Having already fallen down the last step of the stairs leading from Gaius chambers, he now tried desperately to draw forward a mental plan of the castle from his memory to avoid doing the same again. Being outside however resulted in so many new colours flittering in and out of his broken sight he was getting very confused, and he failed to notice a familiar grey blur appear in the courtyard.

Even with the silent king at his side, Gaius spotted his young apprentice from across the courtyard, almost immediately, and couldn't help but roll his eyes as the boy staggered their way.

"Merlin, what on earth…" Gaius stepped forward to catch the boy before he got very far.

"I'm sorry." Morgana explained immediately her eyes moving to the king. "We couldn't stop him, he…"

"I have to see him Gaius." Merlin interrupted her, and grabbed at the old man's shirt.

"No one is to see Arthur until he is released." Uther decreed suddenly, He didn't need to ask who the boy was referring too.

Jumping Merlin turned in the direction of the voice and squinted, he could barely see a change in the darkness of his vision. A blur of colour he had grown accustome too in helping him identify different people was missing, but the voice was unmistakable.

"Of course sire." Gaius granted and taking the boys hand turned him back towards their rooms. "Merlin, Arthur can wait," he spoke softly so only the boy could hear. "We have to talk first."

Merlin shook his head and tried to turn around, confused in his darkness, with only one need driving him. "But, I…no…"

"Merlin!" Gaius snapped and begun walking, pulling the squirming boy with him. "Just this once you will do as I say."

-o-

With her dress sweeping across the stone floor Morgana took the steps as quickly as she dare, and made her way down to the cells. With Merlin safe back in his room, his determination to take this path himself cooled for the moment by Uther's decree, a blank gaze had returned to his face. A look that reminded her so strongly of the one held by Arthur the night before, as he sat so still and silent not responding to her, she could not deny herself a visit.

"Arthur." She greeted finally as his cell came into view.

Standing in exactly the same place as he had when his father had left, Arthur's tired eyes slowly rolled up to met hers. No greeting found his lips, only a single question. "Do you know?"

"Merlin?" she question, and smiled widely happy that he knew. "Yes I have just come from there. It is wonderful news."

Arthur struggled to respond, he was still trying to comprehend that it was true, never mind what it meant for him. His world felt upside down and he could only think of one way to right it.

"Arthur?" Morgana prompted, she expected him to at least show a little joy at the news, but his eyes barely even flickered.

"Bring him here."

Morgana was surprised at how his request mirrored his servants, "Arthur I can't," she answered the same as she had to Merlin. "Uther will not allow you visitors. I could only come because the guards…"

Leaning forward Arthur let his head fall heavy against the bars of the cell door. "Please Morgana?" he interrupted in a voice that if he wasn't a prince she would call begging. "Please?"

* * *

A,N. so thats it for annother one. will Morgana help both boys? Will Gaius allow her? Will they ever see each other again?  
Ok so i've left you with lots of questions, i'm sorry really i am, but lots will get answered next time i promise.

please review, i'll love you forever. lol

xx Orchid Star xx

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

a/N. Ok so despite the last chapter not being that popular, i am back with annother one. yay?

thanks again to all you who reviewed.

* * *

Chapter Six.

* * *

"What do you mean he knows?"

Sitting at the table in the middle of the room, Merlin was shot through with shock, as Gaius finally explained all the circumstances around Arthur's return. "He can't," he denied. "He would have told Uther." I would be dead."

"I promise you he does." Gaius confirmed. "He saw you casting magic, and today is the day we must face it."

"But," Merlin's face fell, and he rubbed absently at his eyes now strangely used to his dark world. "He can't."

Reaching across the table Gaius reached for Merlins hand, and cursed himself for forgetting as the boy jumped at the unexpected contact. "Until this morning he thought you dead, but now there is nothing to stop him talking to Uther, I think…" he paused as the sadness of the situation crept into his voice. "I think we need to think about you returning to your mother."

Merlin snatched his hand back, "No!" he answered instantaneously shocked and hurt by the suggestion. He couldn't even think about leaving. Camelot was his home now, and Arthur was his destiny. There would have to be away around this, and if not then he would face the consequences.

"Merlin!" Gaius rebuked, "You must see sense. You life is at stake."

"My life is nothing without him."

Soft knocking interrupted the silence that fell after Merlin's declaration, and Gaius turned towards it gratefully, just in time to see a head appear in the opening.

Merlin was on his feet almost immediately, "Gwen," he greeted as the room lit with yellow.

"I am sorry to interrupt," she flushed as she realised both men attention was on her. "but Merlin I need you, Arthur wants to see you. Can you come?"

Merlin was already moving towards her before she had finished her request.

"WAIT!" Gaius called, and stopped Merlin's feet. Slowly he got to his own. "What of Uther?" he asked eyebrows raised. "I presume his orders still stand?"

Gwen paused as guilt ran across her face. "It does." She admitted. "But the lady Morgana wishes to help."

Rolling his eyes Gaius looked from her to Merlin's hopeful face. "Oh go on then." he granted eventually, knowing full well the boy would go at some point, with or without his permission. "But hurry," he cautioned. "Uther requested a sleeping draught for Arthur, to be delivered on his food."

-o-

Pacing his cell Arthur could find nothing to calm the burning energy racing through his veins. His mind spun in circles as he wore the floor.

Merlin was alive and he was going to see him. Never had he felt so much conflicting emotion about a single event. His heart soared with the thought of seeing his manservant again, and that smile that he found so hard to ignore. He wanted more than anything to hear him laugh, or to even be called an ass by him. He wanted to offer him a hand when he fell over something for the fourth time that day, and he wanted to feel the spark of being needed as the slightly smaller hand took his offer. But more than anything he needed to see the eyes he had only ever found truth in, or had he?

No longer blinded by grief for a friend he was now over come with a feeling of betrayal. Merlin had used magic, once, twice he didn't know but it didn't matter. Would the boy ever of told him if he hadn't stumbled across the truth? Or would those deep blue eyes, that he had trusted, continue to lie to him again and again.

Merlin was hardly the embodiment of the evil magic user his father had painted to him over the years, someone to be afraid of, and only out to cause trouble and mayhem, not caring for anyone. All-powerful and in control hardly seemed to describe the accident-prone servant, and besides hadn't Merlin's spell saved his very life? What would have happened to him in that cave, if that magic ball hadn't arrived to light his path, and give him the strength it had.

What would his father say? Would he care that Merlin saved his life, would it make him lenient? Arthur shook his head. What was he saying, he knew it wouldn't. Merlin had saved his life by drinking that poison, but Uther had not allowed him to try and even repay the favour; which was why he was in his current position. If he told his father truly what he had seen, Merlin would be dead before the sunset. Arthur felt a tightening in his chest at the thought. But what other choice did he have?

Suddenly images of the last time he had seen Merlin came rushing back and flooded his conscious. The boy wet through with his own sweat, lying so still on the bed. The only thing about him with any energy was the ball floating above his right hand. That evil, unruly magic that he was supposed to hate, in a physical form.

The more he thought of it the stronger the image of the ball became in his head, its colours and the way they swirled, reminding him of the ocean, something he had always loved since he was little. In those few seconds he had looked directly at it, it hadn't looked evil, it looked calm and soothing, exactly the same way as the larger version that followed him home had. If it's existence hadn't scared him so much he was convinced he could have watched it all day.

Looking down at his own hands he tried to remember what it had felt like to touch the magic. Comfort? love? joy? Nothing was quite right, word's failed him in his effort to describe those seconds, but he knew what it wasn't. No fire no pain, no evil, none of the things his father would use to describe magic. One moment it was there, and the next gone. The beautiful colours flowing between his and Merlin's hands for only the briefest of seconds unchained by the destruction of their globe before disappearing somewhere quicker than his eyes could follow.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped him out of the vivid memories, and sent him racing to the cell door in hope. "Mer…?"

Disappointment kicked hard in Arthur's chest as he saw it wasn't the boy, only the servant girl he had shouted at earlier, Once again carrying a plate of lunch for him. He had neither the energy nor inclination to send her away again, allowing her instead to place the food silently in his cell. Only once she was gone did he look to it. Cheese and fresh bread by the looks, a couple of apples too. He didn't feel hungry but his growling stomach told him different. He wasn't sure he could even remember the last time he had eaten.

Ignoring the food for just a second longer, he looked to the door. Where was Morgana? She said she would return, or was that just another lie? He was sick of all these questions and thoughts. He had to see Merlin, he had to have answers.

Turning back to the food, with a frustration, that he could do nothing about still bubbling, Arthur reached for an apple and something to distract him. Biting deep Arthur was surprised by it's freshness, and he was forced to wipe the sticky juice from his chin.

-o-

With his hand in Gwen's Merlin followed her through the castle as quickly as he could. Standing at the top of what he guessed was the stairs to the cells, was the shimmering blue Merlin now knew as Morgana, and he smiled as it approached.

"The guards are in my room," she whispered, "but I will not be able to keep them long."

"Thank you." Merlin whispered back, meaning it with every fibre of his being.

"Shush now." Morgana smiled and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Just go, I'll give you all the time I can."

Merlin was moving again, almost before Gwen had time to guide his hand to the banister, and warn him of the first step.

"Easy," Gwen cautioned with a light laugh, as she followed him.

Merlin didn't care for easy, his heart was in his throat, he was so close. Ignoring her, his feet set their own frantic pace, and quickly carried him to the more stable flat of the lower floor, before stopping altogether.

The cell holding Arthur was directly in front of him, he knew it, and even if he hadn't he could have guessed. The scarlet colour of Arthur shone brighter than anything he had seen this last two days. It had more detail too, not just a mist of colour but an actual outline, with shadows of light and dark.

For a full moment it didn't move, and Merlin wondered if he was captured in the same wave of apprehension that froze him. But suddenly it occurred to the boy, the real reason why the prince failed to move. They were too late.

Fear moved Merlin closer, now he was here he couldn't stand the thought of leaving. But Gaius' potions where strong, if Arthur had taken it, he would be out for the rest of the day, and this journey would have been for nothing.

Without even thinking his mind silently slid back the bolt on the door. Nothing would keep him from his master. Maybe he could wake him somehow.

So desperate for it not to be true, Merlin almost missed when finally Arthur did move. Only the prince's voice stopped his hand from reaching for the now unlocked door.

"Well it's about time." Arthur spoke, as he tore his eyes away from the back wall and looked down at the plate sitting next to him. "Take this away and bring me back something edible." He ordered, not bothering to turn around. There was nothing wrong with the food, but he couldn't face it, the single bite earlier had been enough for his churning stomach.

Merlin couldn't stop a wide smile racing onto his face. Arthur was awake and being… Arthur. "Of course, Sire."

Arthur froze; having given up hope on Morgana, he had presumed the footsteps to be that of the returning servant girl, but no other servant ever sounded so pleased to receive an order of his. No-one could make the addressing of a superior sound like the greeting of a friend, and No-one could make it sound like it was spoken with a smile even when it wasn't. no-one but…

Spinning round Arthur's breath caught on a lump in his throat, and he blinked twice to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Merlin?"

"Arthur."

* * *

a/n. Finally! yeah i know. but hey there together once more. wooh! Next chapter as soon as it's written i promise.

Love Orchid Star XxX


	7. Chapter 7

A/n:

hey guys, wow thanks for all your reviews, i know most of you have being waiting for this chapter so i been working hard to get it ready asap. hope you all like it. x

* * *

Chapter Seven.

* * *

"So you're still alive then." Arthur spoke after a moment of silence.

Merlin grinned and looked down at himself. "Yeah just about," he answered "I understand I have you to thank." Looking up as the colour of Arthur moved closer his heart doubled in speed.

Arthur was in no mood for thanks, "I'm not so sure." He answered coldly.

Unable to see the look on the prince's face Merlin mistook his jibe as him being un-characteristically modest. "Oh don't be silly," he joked. "I heard what you did, going against your father, and all."

"DAMN it Merlin!" Arthur snapped. With his frustration getting the better of him he kicked at the door, and was surprised as it swung open. "Did you do that?" he demanded looking at the open door.

Guessing from the noise what had happened, Merlin shook his head instantly. "I don't know what you mean."

Turning away Arthur stared at the far wall as his face twisted, and he tried to keep control of his spiralling emotions. "How long have you been lying to me?" he demanded.

Merlin froze, even though Gaius had warned him off this, he still couldn't believe it. Arthur truly knew?

A light cough caught his attention and reminded him of Gwen's presence. Looking over his shoulder he could see her sitting silently on the bottom step. "Gwen, can you go and check on the guards for me."

As much as she had been trying to look as if she wasn't listening Gwen couldn't deny she had. Looking to him she felt doubt rise, how many times had he stumbled just on their way here could she really leave him alone? "But...?"

"I'm fine." He answered quickly interrupting her, knowing what her argument would be. "Honestly, please."

Seeing the desperation on his face, she agreed instantly, and took her leave with a slight nod of the head. She trusted him, and her time for understanding what was going on would come.

"What's the matter Merlin?" Arthur demanded having turned back just in time to see the handmaiden disappearing up the stairs. "Don't you want her hearing your SECRET?"

Stepping into the cell and close to the prince, Merlin repeated himself. "I don't know what you mean."

"You," Arthur pushed his finger into the boy's chest, "are a sorcerer."

Merlin took a deep breath, he could almost taste the venom that Arthur used to pronounce that last word, and it made him sick.

"No." he denied, and ignored the large part of him that cried out for Arthur to know the truth and be able to accept him for who he truly was. "You are mistaken."

"Don't you lie to me." Arthur spoke through gritted teeth, "I saw you, I saw your magic, I…I touched it. You can't lie to me."

Merlin's throat tightened, he could hear the feeling of betrayal in Arthur's voice, and it hurt to think he had caused it. Abandoning most of the lie, he looked for a way to make it better "I didn't mean too, it was just once."

"Once?" Arthur repeated, and as he scanned the boys face for the truth, he noticed how those blue eyes he had been craving, refused to meet his. "Once is enough," he added his voice now cold as he repeated his father's beliefs. "Any magic is dangerous, and must be wiped out. My father would have you dead."

Merlin felt fear run through him, but he had meant what he had said to Gaius, he would accept his fate, and he could not bring himself to be sorry for saving Arthur. "I know." He admitted as he stood up a little straighter, "Have you told him?"

Arthur paused before he shook his head. "No."

Merlin nodded he felt a little relief that he wasn't about to be fell upon by guards, but he couldn't help but question it. "Why not?"

Arthur ran his hand though his hair. "I didn't save your life just to throw it away again Merlin." He admitted with startling honesty.

"Thank…"

"It doesn't mean I won't." Arthur interrupted the thanks he still couldn't bear to hear. "I'm just… thinking."

"Do what you need to." Merlin answered with a purse of his lips and a resigned nod of the head.

"Why?" now it was Arthur's turn to question the other's actions. "Why would you commit such evil, and risk everything?"

It was the easiest question the prince had asked so far and the answer was on Merlin's lips before he even had to think. "You."

Arthur stepped closer. "Me?"

Merlin blinked, Arthur was so close all he could see was the scarlet colour of the man. His head spun with the feeling of being surrounded by the prince. "You were in trouble." He whispered, "I couldn't stand by and do nothing, I had to help."

"Help?" Arthur repeated as his hands shot out and grabbed the front of his servant's shirt, pulling him closer still, as his ebbing anger once more flared "I didn't need your help!"

-o-

As Gwen entered her mistress's room she couldn't help but smile at the scene before her. In one of her more revealing gown's the lady Morgana stood in the middle of her bed, and clutched at her skirt.

"Over there." she shrieked, her voice higher than Gwen was certain she had ever heard before. "I saw it move over there."

The four guards that she had lured away from Arthur's cell, looked at each other

"There is nothing there m'lady one spoke eventually. "We must return to our duties."

Gwen's eyes, who had met Morgana's the moment she come in, saw them ask for help.

"arggh" she forced a scream from her own throat and jumped towards the bed. "I saw it." she screeched, and pointed in the same direction as Morgana.

-o-

Merlin stumbled as Arthur pulled him into the cell. He was struggling to work out what was happening. Although he had thought about this moment so many times, he had never imagined not being able to see Arthur face.

"Never again!" Arthur demanded, as he shook Merlin. "You must never risk your life for mine."

Merlin was confused, he wasn't sure if he had ever heard Arthur sound so angry. "But that's my job."

Arthur sneered and using his grip pushed the boy away from him hard as he turned away. "Then you're fired."

Stumbling backwards in the spinning darkness Merlin had no way of keeping his balance, with his feet tripping over each other he fell towards the floor. His head catching on one of the iron manacles hanging from the near wall as he did.

"Stay away from me, leave Camelot." Arthur continued not seeing what had happened. "I'll banish you if I have too." He added suddenly wondering if that would be the ideal solution to this situation.

Merlin groaned just slightly, he wasn't listening to Arthur, his head was throbbing. Moving his hand to his temple as he sat up he felt hot sticky blood begin to flow from the wound.

Turning back Arthur eyes widened as he saw the blood. Rushing to the boy, he fell to his knees in front of him. Reached out to look at the wound he felt Merlin flinch away from him. "Let me see," he asked gently his anger and confusion forgotten.

Merlin shook his head, and instantly regretted it, as waves of pain rushed through his head. "It's fine." He lied with a grin as he pushed his hand tighter against it.

Sitting in silence for a second Arthur knew what he had to do, seeing Merlin hurt made it clear. He couldn't send him away, just the mere thought of him leaving this cell sent shivers down his spine. Reaching out he touched the boy's leg to gain his attention. "Promise me," he began the most important question so far. "You won't use magic again?"

Merlin looked to him, much of the anger was gone from his voice, but the seriousness and hurt remained. "I Promise." He answered meaning it, if that's what Arthur needed he would try his hardest to obey.

Arthur nodded hearing the sincerity in his servant's voice, but he knew there was more to ask. "Even if you think I'm in trouble."

"I… I..." Merlin stumbled, that was too much. Protecting Arthur was his destiny, how could he do that without magic

"Merlin promise me, or I will call for my father right now."

Merlin couldn't do it; he couldn't lie to Arthur again. Looking down to the floor he looked for an escape from the burning crimson of his prince.

"Look at me!" Arthur demanded. "Magic is evil, it would destroy you, destroy me, all of us. Would you have that?"

"But I would never hurt you." Still unable to face him, Merlin whispered the promise to the floor, his heart tearing with the thought Arthur could think any different of him.

"Look at me damn you." Arthur demanded again worried that Merlin's lack of focus was due to his still bleeding head wound. Reaching out he slapped lightly at the boys face to gain his attention. "Come on, why won't you just look at me?"

Merlin's dark world, like a night sky hit by lightning, flashed in and out of focus as Arthur's right hand connected and withdrew from his face.

"Arthur! What are you doing?" Morgana's voice suddenly filled the cell, and made the prince jump.

Jumping to his feet with no time to think about why he was being questioned Arthur begun defending himself as Gwen pushed him away. "He, he wouldn't look at me."

Morgana just stared at him challengingly, before she too crouched next to the silent and increasingly pale looking servant. "He's blind," she spat. "What did you expect?"

Arthur stepped back, the revelation stunned him, Merlin was blind?

"No!" Pushing past Morgana and Gwen he fell to his knees in front of the boy again. Cupping his face gently this time he turned it up to look at him, "Merlin?"

As the world came into focus once more Merlin fought against the swelling nausea in his stomach and the ever growing pain in his head to meet Arthur eyes directly, and for just a second the world around them faded, and everything felt okay. No bitterness, no questions, just each other.

"Get him off." Morgana demanded as those guards she had distracted arrived behind them.

"No, no, Arthur." Merlin cried out desperately as the prince was pulled away from him, and his world plunged into darkness once more.

"shhh," Gwen soothed as she returned to his side, and tried to help him to his feet.

In complete darkness no colour representing anyone Merlin was lost, he had seen only for a few seconds, but he had seen, truly and honestly, everything. Arthurs face; his deep eyes, his full lips, all of it clear in front of him, and gods how good it had been to see despite being etched with that same look of worry as the last time he had seen it.

Now the darkness was beginning to scare him, he had almost got used to his colourful world, but this coupled with the pain in his forehead was something else. "Arthur," he whispered again, as his feet were lead away from the only thing that could give him relief. "Arthur?"

Held by two of the guards Arthur struggled as Merlin called for him. Those last couple of second's he was so sure Merlin looked at him saw deep inside him in the way he always did. He couldn't be blind, he just couldn't. Having calmed while he was thinking, the guards now let go, and followed everyone else from the cell.

"Morgana!" he cried, and griped at the bars of the re-closed door as she moved to follow Gwen and Merlin. "Morgana please."

Positively shaking with anger the lady turned and starred at him through the bar's. She never thought she would see Arthur so ruthless to attack his own servant, but the proof was before her eyes, Merlin's blood was still on his hands. "Never ask me anything again Arthur. Never."

"Morgana what is going on?"

Stepping closer Morgana's face failed to soften. "I didn't bring him here for you to… to attack!" she clarified. "I am done with you Arthur Pendragon, you are not the man I thought you were."

Finally realising what she thought, the colour drained from Arthur's face. "No Morgana I didn't…" he began to explain but it was too late she had already walked away.

With a shout of frustration, Arthur turned and punched out at the wall, How could she think that he would hurt Merlin, Did Merlin think it? With his anger spent he slid back down to the straw and curled into himself, still wanting only one thing. Merlin.

* * *

A/n: aww so was that what you wanted? i know it didn't exacly go well, but yay at least they saw each other, and damn are they good together.  
Please review, you know i love to know what you think.

Ok so now for the bad news, next chapter won't be for a while, I'm going on holiday for 2 weeks, so i wont be able to post. I am trying to get the next (and possiable last) chapter up before i go, but the hours are running short and it's not looking likely. So if you don't hear from me soon, see you in a few and a bit weeks.

Love you all. Orchid Star XX

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

A/N. Ok ok i'm back, sorry for the lateness i can only apologise and tell you i had a wonderful holiday.

Wont keep you long, as next chapter is waiting below, just as always wanted to say thanks to all the people that reviewed and keep on coming back to review, all you guys are the best and i hope you get everything you want for christmas and the coming year.

O.S xX

* * *

Without him- Chapter Eight.

* * *

Arthur stood on the threshold of the open door, and looked into his fathers eyes.

"The time has come." Uther spoke solemnly and gestured for the boy to leave the cell.

Arthur nodded tiredly, and did as he was told.

"I am sure you wish to change," Uther continued, "I shall walk with you to your room."

Arthur rolled his eyes, as his father did just that. A lecture of course accompanied their steps but Arthur tuned out almost immediately. Noticing how the route his father choose mirrored exactly the one he had taken in his dream last night. Every single night he had been in the cell, when he could fight off sleep no longer, he dreamt. Not always as shocking as his first nightmare, in fact most were mundane. One night he had dreamt of himself lying in the middle of the courtyard counting the stars.

Abstractly he wondered if he would dream tonight when he was in his own bed.

"I'm sure you see now why things must be this way." Uther broke in to his consciousness as they stopped out side Arthur's room.

Only after a second of silence did Arthur realise his father was waiting for an answer. Panic touched him as he realised he had no idea what his father was talking about. "Yes father," he agreed, taking an educated guess that his father was looking for agreement.

Uther smiled. "Very well then I shall say no more. Go." He nodded towards the closed door of Arthur's quarters. "Go wash and change, I shall see you for dinner."

With a complying nod of his head, Arthur slid inside his door without a word. Finally, he was alone. Resting back on the heavy wood once it was closed he took a deep breath of the clean and silent air. Allowing himself just a second to relax, and enjoy his freedom.

Looking around the large room Arthur could see a fresh set of clothes for him lying out on the bed. Boots, polished and clean stood on the floor below, and his regular jacket kept its shape on the back of a near chair. The way his belongings were laid out told him only one thing, and despite the fact that rationally any of the servants could have been instructed to do such a thing, he knew in his heart only truth. Merlin had been in his room.

Now as his quick eyes moved further around the room, he could see the boy's hand everywhere he looked. A fresh jug of water lay covered at his wash stand, his various weapons stacked in the corner with his favourite sword on the top, his bed smooth and clean, all Merlin he knew it.

Stepping away from the door, he stripped off the top he would happily never see or smell again and made his way through the room, ignoring the nausea welling in his stomach.

Although he had not heard even half of what his father had said, he intended to obey at least one of his commands. Reaching for the water he knew would be cold Arthur poured most of the jug into the bowl and plunged his hands deep into it, and begun to wash the grime of the last week away.

Running his hand's down his now wet face he allowed them to pause over his closed eyes, before continuing them down across his stubbly chin. This was good, a wash and a shave and maybe things would be ok again. However, as his eyes opened to stare at the blurry image in the mirror he wasn't sure if anything would ever be right again.

Reaching for the towel that would normally be held by his manservant, he was once again kicked by the distinct lack of the boy as it failed to be placed in his hand. Instead, he was forced from his normal routine and had to look for it only to find the soft fabric laying on a stool that had been pulled close for the purpose.

Moving to the bed he quickly began pulling on the new clothes, he couldn't bare this anymore, he couldn't be alone any longer, he needed to see someone.

-o-

The door Arthur arrived at was closed, but something stopped him from knocking, and after a second, he was grateful for his unusual hesitance. Loud voices seeped around the ill-fitting door, and he barely even needed to lean close to hear them.

"I did not go there, I promise you. I couldn't i…"

"Merlin," Gaius voice stopped the over excited boy with a tired sigh. "If Gwen hadn't found you, you would still be there."

"I know I know," Arthur could hear the resignation in the boy's voice and just a hint of frustration. Smiling to himself, he knew exactly what face he would be pulling His eyes wide and his lips verging on a pout.

"I don't know how to explain it Gaius," Merlin continued and now Arthur heard something softer in it. "I fell asleep here, and woke up…"

"In Arthurs room." Gaius finished for the boy. "But how? Magic?"

"No!" Merlin answered forcefully. "I promised Arthur no more magic."

The smile that sat on Arthur's face, formed by the confirmation of what he suspected about Merlin's presence in his room, was now boosted by the knowledge his servant was standing by his words.

"Then how could you see the way?" Gaius continued to question, frustration now creeping in to his voice.

Arthur's smile slipped away. It was a good question. If Merlin was as blind as he claimed, there was no way he should have been able to navigate the dozen of corridors and stairs that separated his room from Arthur's. Leaning forward he strained to hear the answer.

"I don't know!" Merlin snapped, and Arthur jumped back as he heard something clatter to the floor. "Oh I'm sorry." Merlin's voice came again quickly and was joined by the scrapping back of a chair.

"Leave it Merlin." Gaius called gently obviously to stop the boy in the fruitless task of trying to retrieve whatever it was he had knocked to the floor, through not seeing it in the first place.

"Have you heard?" Merlin's voice whispered eventually.

"Arthur?" Gaius questioned, "He was released this morning."

A heavy sigh escaped Merlin's lips.

Arthur fidgeted, uncomfortable with hearing them now speak about him, looking away, he wondered whether he should leave, but Gaius next question forced him to stay.

"Merlin," Gaius called after a second. "Have you thought anymore about attempting to return your sight?"

"If the evil of magic made me like this," Merlin's spoke slowly and deliberately. "Then it is a punishment I have to live with."

Arthur braced his arm against the wall outside the door. Magic was evil, or so his father said, but Merlin wasn't, he was the least evil person Arthur knew, and it pained him to here the boy repeat his ludicrous accusation.

"You are not evil Merlin, and neither was your magic." Gaius answered his voice calm despite his concern about Merlin's theory. "This is no punishment. It was just a mistake Arthur didn't know what he was doing. "

"It doesn't matter." Merlin answered his voice tight. "I have no job, I don't need my sight, I just need something to stop me sleepwalking."

Arthurs head spun. What mistake did Gaius speak off? Was he somehow responsible for Merlin's blindness? That early sickness he experienced returned as he felt his stomach contract. Turning away he began to move from the door, he couldn't bear to hear anymore, to hear Merlin so… defeated. It wasn't the boy he knew, the one that despite never having wielded a weapon in his life stood up in front of the prince and attempted to duel him on only their second meeting.

Once far enough away from the door he began running, forcing his feet harder and harder against the stone floor, until he arrived at another door. Knocking loudly before he had chance to think, he continued until it opened and a soft face greeted him.

-o-

Reaching down to the floor, his hands taking Merlin's, Gaius helped the broken boy to his feet. "I have an idea." he comforted; knowing from previous experience, arguing with the stubborn youth would get him nowhere. "Tonight do not worry, you will sleep here."

Merlin looked to where his friend stood. "Do you think he will come?" he asked softly.

Gaius took a deep breath, this past week had been testing for him, and there were still so many unanswered questions. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I don't know."

-o-

"Arthur." Morgana greeted and kept her voice cold. "Uther has released you?"

Ignoring her question the prince barged past her to enter the room, his eyes flicking briefly to acknowledge Gwen before he turned back to the Lady. "I have to talk to you." He demanded.

Morgana kept her eyes cold, she had kept her word and hadn't visited him the last week, and felt no great compulsion to change that even now he was out. "Have you apologised to Merlin yet?"

"Merlin." Arthur shook his head and sighed. "Tell me how has he been?"

Morgana pulled the wrap she held tight around her shoulders, and sighed. "Gwen, leave us." She ordered and moved to pour a drink from the table for Arthur.

Arthur shook his head as the maidservant moved to do as she was told, "Stay." He commanded.

Gwen paused and looked for confirmation from her lady, which she received in the form of a quick nod.

They had been waiting for this day, the whole court had in truth; everything had seemed to stop while the prince was incarcerated. Everyone was looking forward to his release and life to return to normal, everyone but her and her Lady.

Even as Merlin's injuries had healed, and he repeated daily that Arthur hadn't meant to hurt him, their anger remained bubbling, forged from the outrage of what they had seen.

Until now that was; now as Gwen watched the prince fall heavy into a chair she could see the same lost look on his face as Merlin had worn all week, and as he looked to Morgana a question on his lips, she felt her heart soften.

"How has he been?" Arthur repeated himself.

Morgana took the chair opposite Arthur and studied him closely. "Since you hit him, you mean?" she pushed not sparing her words.

"Quiet," Gwen added quickly, answering before Arthur had a chance to respond to Morgana's biting tone, "and bored."

"Someone fired him," Morgana added, and drew Arthur's attention back to her. "How many times does that make now Arthur?"

"I did what I had to." Arthur defended himself, and stood up; coming here was obviously a mistake. "You wouldn't understand."

"I understand," Morgana stood up to, not willing to let him have the higher ground. "You don't want a blind servant."

"No, it's not…" Arthur denied, his eyes moved over her shoulder and locked with Gwen's. "You don't know what he's capable of."

"Capable of?" Morgana laughed, as he turned away. "No I don't. I don't know how he puts up with your temper, and your petty demands. I don't know how he cares about you enough to risk his own life, again and again. But he does, all that and more, and if you think that makes him somehow unworthy of a job and your friendship, then I feel sorry for you Arthur. I really do. If you let him go you will lose the best thing to have ever happened to this court."

Arthur didn't have the energy to answer her. Instead, he let the heavy door slam shut behind him. She didn't understand, she didn't know about the magic, and he couldn't tell her, he couldn't tell anyone. Arthur shook his head at himself, since when did he need anyone to talk to? He was the prince of Camelot he didn't need anyone. Taking a deep breath, he began back towards his room.

"Arthur, Arthur!"

Turning slowly Arthur, watched as Gwen rushed towards him, her feet making nearly no noise on the stone floor. "Guinevere,"

"It's about the magic isn't it?" she questioned as she arrived at his side.

Arthur's eyes went wide, and he pulled her quickly around the corner and out of the path of the guard's that patrolled Morgana's wing.

"He should be dead." He whispered. "You as well, if you knew."

Taking a second to recover herself from the sudden contact, Gwen's eyes now scanned the prince as the lengthening shadows of the day now played across his face. "You don't mean that." She almost begged, "You can't, you can't."

"I…" Arthur didn't know what he felt anymore. "You know the danger, my father would…"

"You're not your father," Gwen interrupted, "and Merlin's not some sorcerer out to kill us all."

Arthur just stared at her.

"He just made a… mistake," Gwen continued, "and he's suffering for it now. He hasn't slept, every night we find him somewhere different, last night he was in your room, the night before he was lying in the courtyard."

Arthur pushed away the thought that the scene's she described sounded familiar. "That's not my problem." He answered, clinging to the detachment he had just found.

"Go and see him, please," Gwen whispered as she lost heart. "He needs you, and you need him."

Arthur's back straightened, and his face twisted. "I don't need anyone." He snapped the belief he had just remembered, and stepped away, he had heard enough.

Gwen bit her lip, she should have known he would react like that his macho ego was one of the most well known things about the prince. "We all need someone," She called after him, not quite willing to admit defeat. "Even if it is only to hold your hand when you can't see."

Arthur's throat tightened, the mention of Merlin's affliction cut him deep. Turning around slowly he met her eyes again. Finally finding the question, he needed all along. "Is it my fault?"

Gwen paused it was obvious he was talking about the blindness, but she wondered how he would take the truth. "Gaius believes so. The magic we saw was somehow linked to Merlin's sight, and when you touched it..."

Arthur turned away an icy shiver slithering through him. He was to blame, he didn't need to hear anymore, it was obvious, he had crushed Merlin's sight. He was to blame.

"Go and see him." Gwen called, the blank look on his face panicking her. "Please."

Arthur didn't answer her this time, his feet continued on. Suddenly he needed that isolation that this morning was too much to bear. Before he even had time to think about where to go, the door to his own chamber was shutting behind him, and he was alone, out of sight of everyone. Falling on to his soft bed, he closed his eyes against the world.

-o-

"Prince Arthur, Prince Arthur."

Arthur opened his eyes slowly, to find the room dark, and an insistent knocking at his door. He had fallen asleep almost the minute he hit the bed.

"Prince Arthur."

Sliding from the bed, as whomever it was disturbing him failed to stop. Still fully clothed, he headed towards the door, and ripped it open, his face in a scowl.

"Why do you disturb me?" he demanded.

The guard at the door froze for a second under his gaze. "Your, your father," he eventually mumbled, "He is waiting for you. You are due to be at dinner."

Arthur rolled his eyes; he had forgotten his father's invitation. "Tell him I am coming." He sighed and reached up, running a hand through his sleep ruffled hair.

As the guard moved to complete his task, Arthur turned to pull his door shut when his eyes lit once more on his thick jacket hanging on the back of his chair. Every single one of its buttons shone in the flickering light of the fire, and his chest tightened. Merlin's attention to detail was immaculate as usual. Standing in the half-light of the doorway, Gwen's pleading words came back to him. "Go and see him, please."

Pausing he wondered whether he dared disobey his father's summons to obey the request of a servant?

* * *

a/n. So annother ending, and annother choice for arthur, poor guy, im starting to feel sorry for him. so whats he going to do?

I guess it's that time of year again so Happy christmas everyone, and If you want to give me christmas present just leave a review. I will cherrish it for ever i promise. after all a review isn't just for christmas.

Hope to see you soon.

take care, Love Orchid Star x


	9. Chapter 9

A/n. Hi so i'm back with the next chapter, sorry it's been a while, you know how crazy it can get this time of year. hope you still around to enjoy.

So special thank you's go too. drangonrider2203, lincol1990, Violet44, *lauren*, laheara, xanthiae, hopecoppice, Haliii, KakuSnake, and Lovedbytheangels, all who reviewed last chapter, im so pleased some of you have picked up on some of the things i've ben weaving in.

thank you as well to my pre-reader, i love ya. x

anyway here you go...

* * *

Without him - Chapter Nine

* * *

Arthur stood on the wrong side of another closed door; this was becoming a habit he was rapidly growing to loath. Taking a breath he paused a moment, did he really want to do this? He shook his head, the answer was no, on the other side of the wood lay, questions and recriminations, apologies and new starts. What choice did he have? Reaching out he took the handle; no choice. What lay the other way could be far worse.

As the door swung open on its hinges, a chair scrapped back squeaking loudly on the bare floor. "Ah. Arthur." The man at the centre of the room greeted, as he found his feet. "We have been waiting for you."

Arthur nodded and forced his feet further into the room. "I know," he answered, failing to meet the man's eyes. "I am sorry, father."

Uther nodded, a quick apology calmed his temper, and he motioned to the waiting servant to bring forward the food, as he retook his seat.

"I understand it has been a tough week." Uther spoke after taking a mouthful of wine, his eyes on his silent son, "but now it's over, we can put it behind us."

"Yes," Morgana's voice agreed, and Arthur's eyes flicked up. He hadn't even noticed her sitting there. "How nice it is. We can all go back to normal."

"Exactly," Arthur heard his father agree.

Arthur just narrowed his eyes at his adopted half sister; he knew she was looking to rile him. Instead he just reached for his own goblet and held it in a toast. "To normality then." He smiled at first her then his father.

In a way it was true, this was the most normal thing Arthur had done all week, taking part in a tradition he knew well. After dishing out a punishment, often of a heavier price than the crime, Uther summoned his son to dinner. The meal would then follow the same path as always, Arthur himself would be apologetic, and in agreement with his father on every point. Now was not the time to challenging the king. Uther would be self-righteous and forgiving, glad his son could see his way at last. Both would drink far too much just to get themselves thought the night.

Looking away once the toast was greeted with joy from his father, Arthur swallowed hard, he wasn't in the mood to play games, but at least he knew the rules.

Looking down at the first plate as it was served in front of him, Arthur sighed. He wasn't hungry, besides he couldn't eat. A moment after noticing Morgana, he'd recognised her hand-maiden, standing on the far side of the room. Her eyes bore into him now, he could feel them. She knew he hadn't done as she asked and she was disappointed in him. He knew she was, but he didn't know why he cared. A few months ago he wouldn't have even seen her eyes, let alone what she was conveying in them. Damned Merlin, he cursed silently. The boy had changed everything.

Merlin? The boys name was all that was needed to shatter every illusion Arthur had spent the day building. He ached to see him again. The thought of doing so was all that had kept him going the entire week of the incarceration that his father expected him to forgive and forget. Yet he had been free a day, and the need was still as strong, having found himself unwilling to satisfy it.

Feeling his father's gaze on him now, Arthur tried to break what seemed to be a never ending circle of thoughts, and forced fruit to his lips. He didn't need Merlin, he corrected himself, he needed wine.

Swallowing what was left with one gulp, he held up his goblet to be re-filled by the passing servant. The second the edge of the clay jug hit his goblet Arthur felt something pull tight around his wrist. Twitching his hand in response, he pulled the goblet away at the last moment, and forced the boy serving to spill the wine, across Arthurs hand, soaking the cuff of his clean jacket.

"You fool," Arthur snapped reactively, slamming the cup down, and shaking his wet hand. "You complete imbecile."

"I…I'm sorry Sssire." The servant cowered under the prince's rage, "I didn't mean…"

Arthur stood up angrily; he couldn't do this any longer. He was sick of it, he was sick of servants that were afraid of him, and he was sick of pretending this was important to him, enough was enough,

"Excuse me father." He spoke curtly at the king and turned on his heel, not giving an excuse or waiting for permission to leave.

Morgana's hand was on Uther's arm immediately, the kings outrage clear on his face. "Let him go," she soothed.

-o-

Gaius moved silently around the room, he had so much to do, even though it was late he still had all of tomorrows orders to make up. When Merlin first turned up he had mistakenly thought it would lighten his load, but it seemed he was busier than ever, especially after this last development.

Looking over his glasses as the front door to his chambers creaked he watched as it opened hesitantly and a face appeared. Smiling, he lay his tools down. "Good evening," he greeted, and gestured for the visitor to come closer. "Sire."

Arthur smiled ruefully at Gaius, the old man had been around for as long as he could remember, and he had never received anything but a warm greeting from him. "I've come to see Merlin."

Gaius nodded, he had been waiting for this, despite not wanting to raise the boys hopes earlier; he had expected it would happen. "Of course," he answered and pointed at Merlin's door. "He is resting," Looking back down to his work Gaius continued to act non-pulsed by Arthur's appearance. "But I am certain he won't mind."

Pausing Arthur looked from the closed door back to Gaius, still bent over the bench, a candle pulled near so he could see whatever it was he was working on. "Is he still…?"

Looking back up as the princes word's failed, Gaius was shocked to see Arthur apparently struggle. "Blind?" he questioned, realising that he had become so use to it now. "Yes, I am afraid so."

Arthur stepped closer to the work bench and kept his eyes on the bottles it held. "Is there truly nothing to be done?"

Gaius paused, his suspicions were un-founded but he couldn't outright lie to the boy. "That would depend on who you ask."

Arthur finally looked up and met Gaius eyes. "I am asking you."

Gaius fought not to smile, just sometimes Arthur reminded him more of a young Uther than he would ever tell him. "The cure for most ill's can be found in what created them in the first place." he spoke cryptically turning back to his work. This was a dangerous conversation to be having with the future king.

Arthur's hand moved to play distractedly with the bottles on the table. If he was to blame, how was he supposed to fix it? "Magic?"

"Magic is forbidden sire," Gaius answered seriously, "by your father, and yourself."

Arthur nodded as he remembered the promise he had forced from Merlin's lips. Not only did it seem he was to blame for making Merlin blind, but if magic was the cure, he was also responsible for keeping him that way, But what other choice did he have? Defy his father, and allow a sorcerer to work illegally in the court?

Getting to his feet Gaius took the bottle Arthur now gripped tightly in his hand. "I have to go and see Lady Morgana." he explained, and pointed in the direction of Merlin's closed door. "Go see him."

Arthur stood silently in the room for sometime after Gaius had left. He needed to see Merlin, he wanted to but he didn't know why, or even what he was supposed to say to the boy. Finally stepping forward he could think of only one way of greeting him.

"MEEERLIN!" he spoke loudly as he stepped through the door, and into the sleeping boy's room. "Where is my armour, and why haven't my dogs been walked?"

-o-

With her dress, sweeping the floor behind her Morgana walked slowly through the corridor. Dinner was over, Uther was in no mood to talk after Arthur's disappearance, but she didn't care. She had only gone to irritate the prince anyway.

"Where do you think he went?" Gwen questioned at her side, obviously still thinking about Arthur.

Morgana paused, "Who knows," She answered "He is acting so strangely."

Gwen bit her lip, she hadn't told Morgana about the magic she and Arthur had seen, and it was difficult. She could do with someone to confide in. Until now Arthur had been out of bounds, and to question Merlin about it had seemed out of the question, he had so much else to deal with at the moment.

"Do you think Uther will punish him again?"

Morgana thought for a moment, she hadn't considered that, but it wasn't impossible. "Uther is the law," she spoke, "and he doesn't like it when things don't go to plan."

Gwen nodded sadly; she didn't want to see the prince punished again, all she could hope was that he had left for the right reason.

-o-

Jumping upright in bed, Merlin blinked, once, twice. He still couldn't see anything but it was an automatic reaction. He was sure he had Arthurs voice, but he had been so sure before, in fact he couldn't remember waking once the last week, and not being sure the prince was close by.

Opening his mouth, he wanted to call out, ask if Arthur truly was there, but he had done that so many times this week only to be crushed by Gaius voice answering him. Closing his mouth he stayed silent, he wasn't sure he could take the disappointment again.

Standing by the door Arthur just watched in silence as different emotion played across his servants face. Smiling he watched as one of Merlin's hands moved to his messed hair, and attempted to straighten it, while the other…Arthur eyes narrowed now as he looked to the other. Tied so tightly it was already burning its imprint, a thick rope circled Merlin's left wrist. Following the length of it Arthur realised the other end was attached just as securely to the bed. Was the boy so worried about his sleepwalking that this was the lengths he was prepared to go to?

"Well?" Arthur demanded swallowing all of his own emotion, when he realised Merlin wasn't going to answer him, "and you better have a good excuse!"

"Arthur." Merlin greeted doubt no longer holding him back. "You came."

"Someone told me I had to." Arthur answered, relieved to finally hear his voice.

"I thought no one told you what to do." Merlin teased easily.

Arthur smirked pleased at how easy it was to fall into this. "And yet they all try."

Silence fell suddenly, there was so much to say but neither knew where to start.

"So how have you been?" Arthur asked desperate to keep them from falling into awkwardness.

"Blind." Merlin replied immediately, still smiling. "You?"

Arthur stepped further in the room, as he began to relax. "Oh you know in prison for saving your life."

"Yeah," Merlin pulled his legs up tighter into his chest, as he sat up higher on the bed. "I meant to say, thanks for that."

"It was nothing." Arthur answered modestly as he approached the bed. "So…Are you going to do something about the blind thing, or do I really need to get another servant?"

Merlin paused as he felt the bed dip under Arthur's weight as the prince sat down. Was Arthur testing him? "No," he answered, "and even if I was allowed, I wouldn't know how, I don't know what I did the first time round."

"Gaius thinks it's my fault,"

"Oh you know Gaius," Merlin blurted quickly, surprised that Arthur knew such a thing. "Head in the clouds most of the time, I wouldn't take too much notice."

Arthur moved closer still, not convinced in the slightest by the boys blustering. "This isn't some kind of punishment, if I did something wrong, let me fix it." His words came before he had time to think them through, and reaching out he touched the boy lightly on the shoulder. "I don't want you blind, I just want…"

Merlin blinked once, twice, his sight flashed back the moment Arthur touched him, just as it had last time. He could see nearly everything, the edges of his vision remained blurry, but it was so much still to take in. His room, normally messy was verging on spotless. Gwen's doing he knew, she had been worried about him tripping over something. Turning he looked to Arthur, whose hand now rested on him with a comforting weight. Even though his face had turned away, he looked sad, but wonderful at the same time.

"What?" Merlin demanded the sight leaving him breathless "what do you want?"

"I…" turning back with his face just inches from the boys Arthur flinched as he realised Merlin's eyes were locked solidly on his, just as they had been in the cell. "Can you see me?"

Merlin nodded gently careful not to break the contact with Arthur's hands, but it was too late, and his world crashed in to darkness once again as Arthur jumped away.

"You can see?" Arthur demanded furiously. "You can see? But you just said…You lied to me again!"

Merlin's face fell as Arthur jumped to the wrong conclusion. "No!" he defended himself

"I told you no more, and yet you still…" Arthur's rage got the better of him. "I crushed your little spell last time, but you do another, and think I wouldn't notice? Must I crush you too?"

"Arthur, please!" Merlin jumped to his feet to follow the prince only to be pulled back by his bindings before he could get anywhere close. "Wait I can explain."

Arthur's hand was already on the door, every fibre of his anger was telling him to leave, and go to his father this minute, but something forced him to look back. Merlin reached for him, blindly, desperation etched on his face. He looked so fragile, his hair still a mess and that damned rope cutting into his wrist as he strained away from it.

"Explain then!" he barked.

"I can't see, I promise you I can't, it's only…" Merlin felt embarrassment begin to crawl across his skin, it sounded so silly, he hadn't told anyone. "It's you."

"Me?"

"When you touch me," Merlin explained, as he took a step back, and the edge of the bed hit his legs, forcing him to sit again. "I don't know how, or, or why but when you touch me I can see."

Arthur watched the way Merlin looked down at his own hands. "You're lying."

Merlin shook his head, Arthur's lack of faith in him hurt so much, was it always going to be this way now? He wasn't sure if he could stand that. Holding out his free hand he offered it to where he thought Arthur was. "I'm not, I promise."

Arthur stared at Merlin's hand. Was he telling the truth or was it a trick? With his eyes firmly on Merlin's face slowly he reached out, he had to know.

Merlin closed his eyes, as he heard Arthur move. The nauseous flashing of his vision was restored. Opening them slowly a second after Arthur's larger hand touched his, Merlin found sight but with even more shadows than last time. Still it was enough, starring directly at the eyes he thought he would never see again. In amongst the anger and shock he could see fear. Something he had only ever seen once before in Arthur's eyes, those few seconds after he had drained the blasted goblet that had started this whole mess. He didn't like it. "I see you." He spoke softly.

Swallowing hard Arthur nodded, and tightened his grip on Merlin's hand, from the moment Merlin had opened his eyes, Arthur knew he was speaking the truth. There was a difference, his eyes moved with purpose and life in them, tracking movement and reacting to light. They seemed almost to glow with colour. Desperately he tried to catch his breath. "I know."

For a moment they just stood there silence surrounding them both as they took in the enormity of what was happening.

"So Gaius was right." Arthur eventually teased.

Merlin laughed. "Maybe but let's not tell him."

"So what now?" Arthur questioned, and looked down at their connection. "I can't have anything to do with… magic."

Merlin bit his lip, he could hear the utter contempt for what was essentially part of him, in Arthur's voice, and it hurt. He began to think quickly, although Gaius was certain a recasting of the original spell would return his sight, Merlin had failed to tell him the problem in that plan. He didn't know the original spell, he had acted instinctively on seeing Arthur's danger, and pain through his own poisoned fog. "I know someone who might be able to help." He spoke eventually unable to think of any other options.

Arthur's eyes raised, this was not a happy development. "There's another sorcerer in the castle?"

Merlin shook his head, and wondered whether this was such a good idea. "Not so much. Trust me?"

Arthur paused, and wished desperately that he could do that, it was just… difficult.

He wanted to be accepting, he wanted to be able to trust Merlin with his whole heart, as he had done in the past, but to trust a magic user went against his entire life's upbringing, and indeed his father's law. "What do you want me to do?"

Closing his eyes, Merlin let go of Arthur's hand. The descent into darkness was easier when he knew it was coming. He had seen the doubt in Arthur's eyes, and heard him avoid saying that he trusted him. "We need to go to him," He explained coldly, "and I have a little problem with that." He pulled at the rope still around his wrist.

Arthur nodded. That he should be able to do something about. "Wait here."

Merlin forced a grin onto his face, as his fingers continued to pull at the rope still tight round his wrist. "It's not like I have a choice."

Skidding into Gaius chamber, Arthur eyes quickly scanned the room for anything sharp, and cursed him-self silently for not taking the time to put on his sword belt.

The knife Gaius had been using earlier, still out on the work bench was the first thing he found. Racing back he freed Merlin from the rope by cutting neatly through the knot. The blade of the knife slid skilfully across Merlin's skin without cutting it.

Smiling once more as the as the rope slipped from his wrist, Merlin looked up to Arthur. "There is just one condition."

* * *

A/n. annother chapter done another choice complete. despite morgana's words at the begining i doubt anything is going to be 'normal' for a while, despite the boys best attempts at pretending.

hope you enjoyed this one, last chapter didn't seems to be very popular, (please review ;-P )but i'm hoping that was just because of christmas and all that. speaking of, i hope you had a good one, and that the new year brings everything you want.

Love, till next time Orchid Star xx


	10. Chapter 10

a/n. woohhoo! finially, i didn't think this chapter would ever appear.  
Many thanks to all that keept pushing me to get it done, love to all that reviewed too. your all very special to me.

anyway... hope you enjoy. xOSx

* * *

Without him -Chapter 10

* * *

"This is ridiculous." Arthur grunted, as his feet stumbled below him, and he was forced to throw out an arm to the nearby wall.

Gripping tighter at the hand he held, Merlin braced himself and Arthur, to keep them from falling. "It's not," he argued. "It's necessary."

Arthur sighed, "I have given you my word," he moaned, keeping his feet still as Merlin tried to move forward. "I will not punish your… friend."

Turning back Merlin just stared at Arthur, enabled to do so by the firm grip the prince had on his hand. Standing with his shoulders slumped and his head slightly to one side, he looked so dejected, Merlin fought not to laugh. To think the great prince was brought to such a state by Merlin's simple red scarf, wrapped tightly across his eyes.

"Come on," Merlin urged, pulling him along once more as he looked out the door and found the courtyard empty. "You promised."

Arthur rolled his eyes behind the blind fold, and when he realised Merlin wouldn't be able to see the gesture he did it again, before allowing him-self to be led by the servant.

"If anyone sees this," Arthur found a threat after a few more steps, as he realised they must be in the courtyard by now, and exposed to any eyes that cared to look. "I will flog you myself."

Lowering his head as a blush assaulted his cheeks, Merlin bit his lip at the thought and continued on, glad that Arthur couldn't see his reaction.

-o-

Despite taking his time and walking deliberately slow, Gaius soon found himself at the door to Lady Morgana's chambers. A door that was open just enough for him to be able to hear the scene taking place inside, and see the shadows of the women moving as they did. Moving to announce his presence, he paused as a question cause him to worry.

"If you had a secret," Gwen's voice raised and lowered as she moved around the room. "Would you trust Arthur?"

"Arthur?"Morgana repeated with a laugh, from behind her screen as she removed the binding dress she had worn for the cancelled dinner. "I doubt it. Why?"

"Oh no, no reason." Gwen blustered, not sure herself why she was even asking. She knew it would be best for everyone if she could just forget.

"Gwen?"

"What about Merlin?" she couldn't help but ask. "Do you think he could keep a secret?"

Morgana laughed again, as she pulled softer fabric over her head. "I don't think so; he wears his heart on his sleeve and his every thought on his face. I doubt there is anything we don't know about Merlin."

Gwen smiled indulgently, and then looked away quickly as she felt guilty about holding a secret from her mistress.

"Gwen?" Morgana moved to sit on the edge of her bed, her eyes narrowed at her servant. "What is going on?"

"No…nothing."

Morgana was not going to let things go that easily. "Do you know a secret?" she questioned now intrigued beyond reason. "Come on you can't keep it from me."

Turning Gwen kept her eyes on the floor. "I can't it's too dangerous."

"Gwen!" Morgana jumped from the bed worry now creeping through her bones, and held her maid's arms in her hands. "You know I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"but…It's not mine to…" Gwen's head snapped up as a firm knocking on the door interrupted her.

"Go away," Morgana snapped at the door but still the knocking continued. "I said…"

"I'm sorry Milady," Gaius called as he pushed at the open door just a little, unable to allow the scene to continue. "But I have your tonic."

"Gaius," Gwen called rushing to open the door, glad of the distraction.

Morgana pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders, and turned to face the old physician. "I am sorry Gaius." She apologised, before retrieving the small bottle of his she already had from the side table. "Thank you for coming."

With his eyes narrowed at Gwen Gaius stepped into the room. "It is no trouble."

Morgana was confused as she held up the bottle. "Oh but I already have some left."

Gaius wore the look of surprise for a few moments's "My mistake." he lied easily. "This has been a tiring week. Please forgive me."

"Of course," Morgana granted now worried about the physician as well as her servant. "How is Merlin?"

"The blindness has not worn off yet, but I still have hope." Gaius answered honestly, and turned his eyes to meet Gwen's . "As long as there are no further complications, that he does not have the strength to cope with."

Morgana nodded, "maybe I can come and see him tomorrow?"

"I'm sure he would like that," Gaius agreed, bowing as he turned to leave the room.

Standing at the door his eyes resting on Gwen until she too nodded her head in agreement; his message was clear Morgana was not to know.

-o-

After walking in what felt like endless circles to Arthur, he suddenly felt something land on his head, ignoring it the first time he continued to follow Merlin. When it came again he stopped still. "What is that?" he demanded.

Being pulled back a little by the sudden stop, Merlin looked at him, and smiled as he realised what the prince was asking about. "It's just starting to rain."

Looking upwards Arthur realised he was right as another wet drop landed on his cheek. He felt so silly with this damned blindfold on, not to mention disorientated. He needed all of his senses to just know what direction he was facing in. Smiling he began to think what a good training exercise this would make for his knights.

Following Arthur's eyes up, Merlin stood and stared at the stars for a moment. "It's so clear."

Merlin's whisper drew Arthur's attention back to his current situation. Looking up to where he knew should be stars but not being able to see them was disheartening in a way he hadn't expected. Suddenly he realised, this was how Merlin must have felt for the last week.

Merlin was just as distracted by the sight as Arthur was by his thoughts, until the light spilling from the open doorway in front of them disappeared. Snapping his head back down, Merlin found the reason for it to be a friendly face. Letting out a breath he realised it was only Gaius blocking their path. Smiling he took a step in that direction before he recognised a larger figure appear behind him.

Panicking, Merlin's head snapped from left to right and back again, as he looked for somewhere to hide. Then he saw it, another arched doorway, steeped in the darkest shadows he could find. Grabbing Arthur who was still starring blindly up to the sky, by the front of his shirt, he pulled them both towards it, only stopping as they slammed against the locked door.

"What the hell…"

"Shh," Merlin hissed, as he threw his hand across Arthur mouth, and used his own body to push him further back against the door.

Arthur's hands scrambled to his mouth and he fought to push Merlin's away. "What?" he demanded.

"Gaius!" Suddenly his father's voice echoed loudly around the courtyard, and Arthur shrank back immediately understanding his servant's actions. "Have you seen my son?"

-o-

Having joined his Physician in the doorway, Uther looked out to the rain that was growing in strength as he awaited the answer.

"I'm sorry sire, I haven't. Is there a problem?"

Turning back into the corridor Uther sighed tiredly. "Something is going on with him Gaius, I do not know…I thought it would be better once he was out the cells. He refuses to talk to me, he walked out on dinner."

Gaius nodded, taking in the information he already knew. "Maybe just give him some time." He suggested.

"No," Uther shook his head. "I must talk to him now, and if he does not behave he can go back to the cells. We have an emissary from the west visiting next week, and I cannot have him misbehaving this way and embarrassing me."

"Sire I don't think…"

"Thank you Gaius," Uther continued not listening. "I shall have the guards alerted, I will find him tonight."

Gaius face paled a little as Uther turned away, he had seen Merlin and Arthur in the courtyard, briefly, and he was sure they wouldn't appreciate being interrupted. He didn't know in what state Arthur was, and whether being threatened with another week in the cells would be enough to encourage him to tell of Merlin's 'gift'. He had to do something. As his hand tightened around the bottle originally meant to help Morgana sleep, he had an idea.

"Sire," he called as Uther increased the distance between them. "Wait I have a new potion I would like you to try."

-o-

In his dark world Arthur had nothing to concentrate on other than the feeling of Merlin's panting chest pressed against his. In and out, every breath he took was accompanied by the whisper of a breath on Arthur's neck, and it was driving the prince mad. As the sound of the rain pounding outside picked up speed, Arthur felt his own heart begin to quicken. He couldn't stand this much longer.

"Has…" Arthur swallowed hard. "Has he gone?"

In front of him he felt Merlin turn around, breaking the near full body contact they had had, and making Arthur sorry he asked. "I don't know, I can't see." The answer came after a movement.

Arthur's hands shot out and fumbled across Merlin's sides, as his face crumpled in confusion. "but… but I'm touching you."

"I know," Merlin tried to keep his voice straight, as the prince's hands tickled him. "I just meant it's too dark."

"Merlin!"

"Okay," Merlin granted his hand moving behind him to take Arthurs again. "It's safe come on."

Running now across the courtyard, and through the rain, Merlin wasted no time in getting them back in doors, and heading towards their destination. He guessed they had walked enough circles for Arthur to be confused to their whereabouts.

Rushing to keep up Arthur stumbled on the last step of yet another flight of stairs, and was grateful when he felt Merlin stop. As he stood still and tried desperately to get his bearings, he felt a cold breeze wrap itself around him.

"Merlin?" He questioned quietly.

"We're here." The servant confirmed, and Arthur found nervousness, he would never admit, creep through him. Not being able to see was driving him mad. It would be so easy just to… his hands clenched as he drove away the tempting thought.

Looking down Merlin felt Arthur's movement's, and guessed the reason behind it. He was both amazed and proud Arthur had made it this far. Opening his mouth he was just about to reassure him, when, the now familiar sound of a chain being dragged across rocks echoed loudly around them. The dragon as always appeared from the depths somewhere, and landed heavily on the rock in front of him.

"Merlin," it greeted, before his giant eyes moved to the second boy. "Pendragon!"

"Wait… wait," Merlin lunged forward as the dragon turn away. "I need your help."

The dragon turned his head back slowly, he was intrigued. "Why did you bring him here?" he demanded.

Merlin looked briefly to Arthur. "We need your help." he corrected.

"Do not worry," Arthur spoke up, more than a little disturbed, someone could take such offense from his mere presence. "You have nothing to fear from me."

"FEAR YOU?" the dragon roared, and Arthur took a step back surprised. "Fear you? Your father has already taken all I have, how could I fear you? Leave me be Pendragon."

"I'm blind." Merlin blurted out as the dragon turned away once more, "and I cannot see without him. He knows the truth about me. That I have..."

"Magic." The dragon filled in, as Merlin faltered, "and this truth does he value it? This knowledge of the great power you hold, and who he will become because of it?"

Arthur couldn't help but wonder who this was to pose such questions. The voice sounded old, but different to any he had heard before, and yet they hadn't travelled anywhere near far enough to be outside of Camelot.

"Who I'm to become?" Arthur repeated suddenly confused.

"Hmm, he knows nothing" the dragon snorted and Arthur shivered as he was enveloped in a draught. "Answer me this Pendragon, and speak truth, do you trust him? Do you give Merlin your permission to use his magic?"

Arthur paused, the truth stuck in his throat. "No." he shook his head, and ignored the feeling of Merlin's soft hand go limp in his. "Magic is against my father's law. It is dangerous, for all of us. It is not to be practised"

The dragon rocked back. "Your father still spreads his lies I see."

Arthur felt anger rising in him. "My father speaks for the good of Camelot, he is right."

"Is that so?" the dragon questioned impatiently. "Merlin's magic was against your father's law, and yet it has saved you. Your quest to retrieve the Morteaus flower, was against you father's wishes, and yet it saved him."

"That's… different." Arthur stumbled, caring not as to how this person knew details he hadn't been told, only for defending himself.

"Magic is what gives you the ability to know your friend inside and out," the dragon continued, "and feel when he is hurting. If you despise magic, as you have been taught to do, then you must despise him too. Do you?"

Arthur felt Merlin fidget next to him. "Of course not." He snapped.

Now it was the dragons turn to lean forward, slowly he looked the prince up and down. "No." he admitted, as he peered closer. "You don't do you? But Ask yourself this," he proposed. "Next time your father sends you to hunt the village for a sorcerer because magic has been used against him. Will you go to Merlin's door first, or last?" he questioned.

"I…"

"Enough," Merlin snapped, he didn't need to hear Arthur didn't trust him, he already knew it. "Can you return my sight?"

The dragon shook its head. "I cannot." He answered, turning to Merlin. "Only he who took it."

Merlin looked to Arthur slowly.

Slowly the prince realised. "Me?"

"No," Merlin argued, knowing it was too much to ask of Arthur. "There has to be some other way." He demanded.

The dragon let out what sounded suspiciously like a sigh. "There is no other way. I cannot return something I do not have. Pendragon took your sight, and holds it still in his hand, so it must be him who returns it."

Both boys looked down to the hands interlaced with one another, although Arthur blindly so. Releasing his grip sadly, Merlin tried to let go. Arthur just held tight.

"What do I have to do?"

Snapping back to look at him, Merlin shook his head. "Arthur no."

Arthur's grip on Merlin's hand just tightened. "What do I have to do?"

* * *

a.n. What does he have to do? find out next chapter, promise. x  
Hopefully it won't take as long as this one to appear either.

hope you liked it, As always if ya did, please leave me a review, pretty please, with cookies on top.

till next time, Orchid Star xx


	11. Chapter 11

A/N:  
Hey all, I know i know annother long wait for this update, but to make up for it, it's the longest chapter yet. also i tried to make it the best one yet. not sure if i succeded, you guys will have to tell me that.  
Speaking of, i cant believe so many of you come back and repeat review, i love you all, it always makes me smile when i see a name i recognise. thats not to say i don't love new reviews, i do. come in and join the family, we have cookies.

love to beta as always xxx  
O.S

p.s re-edited in places to make it clearer.

* * *

Without him  
-Chapter 11

* * *

"Well come on then," Arthur stood at the open door, and peered out into the pounding rain. The damned blindfold hung loosely at his neck, having been pulled from place the very second Merlin had suggested it could. "If I'm going to spend the night with you, it's at least going to be in the comfort of my room."

Merlin turned from the sight to look at him. "Excuse me?"

Taking a step forward Arthur pulled slightly on the hand he still held, and ignored him, refusing to meet the look back. "So we're going to have to make a run for it," he gestured through the rain to the glowing doorway his father and Gaius had stood at earlier in the night. "Unless of course, you want to stay blind for another day?"

"Yes,… I mean No, I mean..." Merlin stumbled over his words confused, before pausing to take a breath.

Arthur just smiled. He did love Merlin's clumsiness… sometimes. Taking full advantage of the pause he stepped out, and moving quicker than he would guess his servant was expecting began running across the square courtyard.

With no choice other than to be plunged in to his dark world, and left behind, Merlin slipped and slid across the wet cobblestones, trying to keep up with the prince. He was certain he hadn't been mean enough to pull the prince this fast earlier when the roles were reversed, and he was reliant on the other for sight.

"Arthur, wait." Merlin suddenly stopped still in the middle of the courtyard, the enormity of what was about to happen hit him.

"Merlin, come on," Arthur turned, his eyes blazing and his feet eager to continue. "I'm getting wet."

Merlin refused to move despite Arthur's tugging on his arm. "Arthur, are you sure?"

"What?" Flicking his wet hair from his eyes, Arthur peered at his servant, and tried to work out why he apparently wanted them to be drowned.

"Are you sure?" Merlin repeated, "Because if not…"

The rest of Merlin's words were lost to Arthur as a loud rumble echoed down from the sky, and the storm that had been threatening burst into life, splitting the sky with a great flash of light, and more ear splitting thunder.

Arthur winced slightly, he had never been the biggest fan of storm's and even less of being out in them, but as he looked to Merlin's face he could tell the boy wasn't going to be moved anytime soon. "What?" he demanded again

Steeping close enough so he could be heard, Merlin squeezed Arthurs hand slightly.

"You don't have to do this," he shouted. "I'll leave tomorrow, I'll go home. You won't have to see me again."

"Damn it Merlin!" Arthur raised his voice too but more from the anger and fright coursing through his veins at the boy's threat, than any great desire to be heard. The storm raging around them was now the last thing on his mind. Although it had been him to suggest the servant leave the first time round, he now couldn't bear the thought. "You just don't get it do you? I'm the prince of Camelot."

Merlin nodded resigned, "Exactly…"

"Then know you have no choice in this." Arthur interrupted. "If something happens in this castle, in any castle, house or village of this kingdom and it's my fault, then it is my responsibility to fix it. Hell if something isn't my fault, it's my responsibility to fix it. Just because you're my servant, you think I will back down from that responsibility?"

Merlin felt his throat tighten, he always forgot how heavy the burden was that Arthur carried, but he couldn't help the fact that it stung a little to know Arthur was only doing this out of duty. "You fired me!" he argued.

Arthur's eyes noticed something flash just briefly across Merlin's face, and he was certain he had said the wrong thing again, but he had no idea what. He had to view this as a matter of principle, if he didn't then it was a matter of right and wrong, and what if he came down on the wrong side? The questions Merlin's apparent confident had asked, still pounded in his head, and he still didn't know the answers.

"You're re-hired," he snapped forcing his thoughts away from things that could wait until they were dry, "and if you leave, I will follow you." He promised. "I need you here."

Merlin smiled, Arthur had said the only thing he needed to, convincing him. Taking a step forward he said nothing but began towards the door they had been heading for.

"After all who else is going to dry my clothes, wash my horse…"

-o-

With blankets pulled tight across her lap, Morgana sat upright in bed, and smiled as she felt the bed dip behind her with Gwen's weight. The storm outside seemed to be getting worse, but she couldn't have been more comfortable.

Unless she had one of her headaches, from too much wine at dinner, or yet another argument with Arthur, Morgana always like to indulge like this. It was something they had both done since they were much younger, and she found it relaxing beyond belief.

Reaching up, Gwen too smiled, and with nimble fingers pulled a small brush through her mistress's hair.

"Gwen," Morgana almost moaned after a moment, "I know you still have a secret."

Gwen paused, "I don't know what you mean, my lady." She bluffed and carried on brushing.

Morgana smiled warmly, "It is ok," she reassured her. "I think I know what it is."

Now Gwen froze, keeping the secret was hard enough, but having to out right lie about it, to someone, she trusted would be something else. "I err..."

"It's about Merlin isn't it?" Morgana teased, pausing long enough for Gwen's heart to double in speed. "You like him."

"I…" Gwen felt her cheeks grow hot. "No."

"It's ok. He seems…" Morgana paused she didn't want to give her maid false hope, "fond of you too."

"What about you?" Gwen questioned, desperate to turn the attention from her.

"Well," Morgana smiled as she remembered the dark haired knight, and the way he smiled at her. "There was one of Belliards knights… but then Uther threw them all in the cell's so..."

Gwen continued her brushing, pleased that her lady's attention was diverted. "Uther acted justly with him."

"Hmm," Morgana pursed her lips together. "If he acted so justly then why did he let them all go again?"

Gwen opened her mouth to answer, but closed it again when she realised she couldn't.

-o-

"…and light my fire." Arthur finally finished the list of Merlin's chores, only as they stepped across the threshold of his room. He knew Merlin was rolling his eyes at him, and some of the outlandish tasks he had listed, but it amused and not to mention distracted him for the real reason he had brought him here.

Letting go of Merlin's hand without thinking, Arthur began to move around the room. Nothing had changed from when he had left it earlier to go to his father's dinner. His thick jacket still sat on his chair, in front of the fire, except now the fire was low and dying. No-one had even been in to feed it.

"Speaking of," he addressed Merlin distractedly, as he begun to undo the knot that held the now defunct and dripping blindfold around his neck, "make yourself useful, and get that fire going."

Merlin froze for a second. Arthur seemed to have forgotten his current predicament. Suppressing a shiver, he decided it didn't matter. This was Arthur's room, after all, and he knew it's layout like the back of his hand, but still he moved slowly. He had no way of knowing what the prince had left where. Despite his various comments about Merlin's room being a tip, the servant knew Arthur's room would be just the same, if he didn't have him to tidy it every day.

Finally crouching down in the hearth, Merlin shivered again, his clothes were soaked through the same as Arthur's, and getting the fire going would be a good idea. But he had no idea how dead it already was. Briefly he considered the few words which he knew would bring it straight to full force; however he pushed the idea away. Now wasn't the time to push Arthur's acceptance of his magic, instead he tried to remember where he had stacked the kindling.

Dropping the red rag of fabric now free from his neck onto his bed, Arthur turned his attention to the rest of his clothes. Pulling the wet shirt that clung uncomfortably to his body over his head he reached for a dry one. Next came his boots, he hated wearing the heavy boots when inside at the best of times, and despite the fact that they had kept his feet dry, he was much happier, when he could feel the cold bare wood under his toes. Finally as he ran his hand through his wet hair, and pushed it back from his face, Arthur begun to feel a little more human.

Picking up the extra dry shirt he had found he turned back to his servant, just in time to see him reaching into the fire.

"Merlin!" the shout escaped his throat before he even had time to think the name, and he was skidding across the room. "What are you doing?"

Jumping back at his name, Merlin dropped the kindling he had finally found, and felt the fire roar in response. He had been closer to it than he had realised. "I thought you wanted a fire," he responded as he felt Arthur kneel next to him.

"Yes but…" Arthur paused as he realised his mistake, of course Merlin couldn't do as he asked, he couldn't see. Feeling almost glad the boy couldn't see the guilt wash across his face, Arthur pressed the dry shirt in to his hands. "Here," he ordered pushing him back. "Change into this; you'll catch a cold if you stay in that."

Getting to his feet Merlin stepped back and smiled at the gesture. "Thank you sire," he granted as his fingers begun to feel around the tunic to make sure it was the right way round.

Turning his head to look over his shoulder at the shivering boy, in the flickering firelight, Arthur's quick eyes caught sight of numerous marks scaring the pale flesh of his servant, as he changed. Surprised he found he couldn't pull his eyes away. He knew the boy was clumsy, but this seemed to speak of something else, a story he didn't know. A flash of guilt he had about perhaps causing a few of them himself was quickly replaced with an anger that someone else might have, and a protectiveness he had never felt before. If someone had hurt his Merlin he desperately wanted to know who, because at this moment he wanted to hurt them back, two fold.

Pushing away from the thoughts as Merlin let the slightly too big white garment hang from his shoulders, to cover the sight, Arthur reluctantly turned to more important things. Pulling first his chair and then another to the table, he eventually took Merlin's hand again, and guided him to the chair.

"Sit." He commanded.

With his world back in focus Merlin took a second to look around him, a pile of dirty clothes already formed by Arthur's bed, the sheets in disarray, and the water jug lay empty. Merlin smiled to him-self, Arthur hadn't even mentioned half the things he did for him in that extensive list of his.

Feeling Arthur move around the table carefully, so as not to break contact again, Merlin turned to look at him. A dark shirt rested on his shoulders now, contrasting brightly against the white animal skin that lined his chair. An even darker look rested in his eyes, and moving his hands so they both lay out flat in front of him, palms facing the sky, he turned that look to Merlin. "So what now?"

Merlin was surprised to see Arthur fidgeting as he waited for the answer, as if he was more uncomfortable than he had ever been in his life, which Merlin guessed he was really. Reluctantly he shrugged; he was no wiser than the prince.

Arthur narrowed his eyes in remembrance. "To give it back, he must choose to." he repeated the word's Merlin's friend had said to them, before refusing to say anymore. "But how?" he continued. "The spell?" Now Arthur thought of Gaius' conviction in that theory. "What was it? What do I have to do? Say words or… I don't know dance backwards around the room?"

Merlin smiled as Arthur's stream of consciousness led him to make light of the fact that he was about to break one of the highest laws in the land; to cast magic. "I don't know what the spell was," Merlin answered. "I told you I can't remember, and it might not even be..."

"Talk me through what you do remember." Arthur interrupted, and fought to keep his hands still on the table. This is what he did; he made plans and fixed things. "Start at the feast."

Merlin nodded more than happy to be ruled by the prince. Closing his eyes to concentrate, he suddenly realised as it surrounded him how, after only so short a time, he felt more comfortable in darkness. Shaking his head he begun, aware Arthur was waiting. "I drank the poison, it was sweet at first, and then..." he paused and moved one hand subconsciously to where his throat was still sore. "Then it burned. After that there's nothing... just this loud thumping, like a… heartbeat. That was all for a long time. Then I felt... you. It was so dark and you couldn't see well. I could see you were…" Merlin stopped himself from saying scared at the last moment, despite it being a basic human emotion, he knew it would never be one the prince would ever approve, or admit too, "Somewhere unknown."

Closing his eyes as Merlin did, Arthur allowed the memory of those days wash over him. The utter determination in Merlin's eyes as he raised the goblet to his lips, the weight of his limp body in Arthurs arms, and the rasp of his breath of Merlin's breath as he fought to keep alive, all flashed in his mind in quick succession, but as Merlin's hand grew warm in his there was suddenly so much more.

"The cave," he intoned, as it appeared around him. The unknown place Merlin spoke of, with walls of rocks that never seemed to end, and made his muscles burn in memory from just looking back at them. "It's so dark."

Merlin opened his eyes instantly as Arthur spoke. His voice sounded strange, as if it were from far away. "Arthur?" he whispered cautiously.

"_Arthur!" Uther's voice suddenly echoed loudly through the cavern, and around the prince's mind. "Arthur, where are you going?" _

_Squinting back down the rock face into the dark, Arthur saw something that shook his world. His father's hands, large and old, griping the edge of the ledge as if his life depended on it. _

"_Father?" he whispered, and only a second later, "Merlin?"_

_Arthur knew this scene, how it played out. It was the dream that haunted him, and sure enough looking to the left of where his father hung, his servant smiled at him. _

Turning away from both of them Arthur took a deep breath. This wasn't real. This hadn't happened. Why was he remembering it now? Almost as if in answer to his question that swimming blue orb that he hadn't been able to forget appeared in front of his eyes.

"_Arthur, come on." Uther's voice demanded impatiently in his head, but still he didn't turn back, his eyes were on the swirling colours of light, was this how he gave Merlin's sight back? By making this choice? No. He shook his head, he couldn't, He wouldn't. This wasn't what he'd agreed to. To whisper a spell maybe, but not this. Why would anyone demand this of him, it just didn't make sense._

In the room Merlin watched silently as a whole range of emotion played across his master's face. He didn't know what was going on, desperately he wanted to help but he didn't know how.

"_Please my son, help me!" _

_Now the prince did turn back, he had never heard that word from his father's lips before. Kneeling down to look over the edge, he felt his heart break as he saw the creature's that had tormented him, seconds away from the two people he cared about most in the world. He knew in his mind it wasn't real, but his heart told him different. _

"_I can't." he whispered, tears in his eyes as he looked from one to the other, and back to the ball of light now floating just above them. "I can't do this." _

"_It's ok." Merlin spoke and pulled Arthur's attention back to him. "I understand." _

"_NO," Arthur screamed, as the light began to fade, and panic almost stopped his heart as he realised his servants plan, first with one hand and then the other, Merlin let go. _

_Dropping to the floor instantly Arthur grabbed for him, there was no choice. He couldn't let him go. He wouldn't lose him. _

Flinching as Arthur's cry echoed around his room, Merlin was forced to bite his lip to keep from crying out himself a moment later. Arthur's hand snapped over and gripped his wrist so tight, it felt as if the blue lightening that suddenly lit up the room flowed through him.

On his feet in a second Arthur wasn't finished, and using all of his strength he pulled Merlin across the table, and sent them both spinning to the floor.

_Sitting back up the moment Merlin landed next to him on the cave floor, Arthur was just in time to see his father's hands slip from the edge, as the creatures reached him. _

"_No, FATHER!" Throwing himself forward, he stared over the edge and found nothing by blackness greeting him, his father was gone, and it was his fault._

Gasping for breath from the fall, as he rolled in front of the fire, Merlin looked up as Arthur's screams continued.

_Scrambling backwards away from the edge now, Arthur only stopped when his back hit the hard rock wall. Forcing his hands to his ears he begun to shake as his father's screams grew louder and louder in his head. "No, no, I'm sorry."_

"ARTHUR!" Merlin felt tears grow hot in his eyes, as he watched the prince curl himself up, distressed. What had just happened? He didn't understand. "Arthur!" he called again as he reached out to him. "Arthur open your eyes, please, look at me!" He demanded. "It's ok… It…It worked." Suddenly the realisation dawned on Merlin that he had just watched his Prince's distress without being anywhere near him. "Whatever you did, worked."

_Arthur squeezed his eyes tighter as slowly his father's screams faded away to nothing, and Merlin's voice replaced them. He didn't want to open his eyes, he didn't want to see the cave anymore. He couldn't bear to see the place of treachery. The place he had finally let his father down, in the way the king had always expected him to._

"Arthur, please?"

But hearing Merlin's voice was worse. It was the voice of his betrayal. With rage building in his chest, Arthur's hands now squeezed tight into themselves, and he forced his eyes open.

"Get away from me," he snarled at the boy, who was so close he clouded his entire vision.

Merlin rocked back on his heels, relieved just to see his eyes open and focused. "I can see." he ventured.

Arthur looked around him for a second, he wasn't in the cave, he was back, safe in the room, but still the pain in his chest was stronger than he knew what to do with. Resentful, his attention turned back to Merlin, still leaning close.

"GET OUT!"

* * *

A/N: Aww poor arthur, i think that may have been a little harsh for him. having to return to that dream from chapter 3, and finally make his choice. sigh and it doesn't seem like merlin's going to have too easier time of it next chapter though, oh well at least he can see again. (yay!)

so hoped you liked, let me know. review buttons down there VVV somewhere.

Until next time, take care, and come back safe.

Love Orchid Star xx


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: hey guys i'm back. did ya miss me? hehehe only joking. Well do i have a big chapter for you this time, bigger than the last even. I was thinking about breaking it down into 2 smaller ones, but i didn't want to leave you short changed, and the last scene really really wanted to be whole. so here it is.

quite a few new reviewers last time, much love for them, and the repeaters of course. Hugs for my beta as always x

So anyway i hope you enjoy. See you at the other end.

OS xx

* * *

Without him.  
- Chapter 12

* * *

Throwing himself across the room, as Merlin failed to react to his command; Arthur slammed the boy to the floor, and held him there with his large hand around his throat.

"You…you…" he shook with rage, unable to think straight let alone speak. What he had seen, what he had done, What Merlin had made him do, beat through him as quick as his heartbeat. What he had done for his… servant.

Merlin fought to force a breath past Arthurs hands, "What…what happened?" he questioned, feeling more confused than he ever had in his life. "Arthur, please," he begged as the princes face failed to change from the snarl that forced his full lips into looking so cruel.

"I should… kill you for that." Finally words broke from Arthur's lips, and Merlin was forced to admit, he was scared now, and the longer he stared in to Arthur's eyes, dark with something he didn't understand, the worse it got.

"For what?" he questioned trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. He knew in reality he could escape the princes hands, he could sending him flying across the room at anytime, but he had a feeling that pushing Arthur's acceptance of his magic wouldn't be a good idea. Something had happened, Arthur had experienced something he hadn't, and somehow it had given him back his sight, but at what cost?

"Did you know?" Arthur demanded, grabbing Merlin's attention once more.

Again all Merlin could do was question back. He didn't know anything. "Know what?"

Arthur's hand twitched tighter in response and Merlin gasped a breath. "Arthur, please?" he begged again, all rational thoughts of understanding rapidly disappearing as tears begun to fill his eyes. "You're hurting me."

Arthur finally blinked as Merlin's words broke through his spinning rage, and stabbed at his already scarred heart. What was he doing? Looking down he felt his stomach lurch as he saw the fire flicker in his servant's glassy eyes. What had he become? Letting go immediately he sat back on his heels, first he killed his father and now he was hurting Merlin? His father, his father, the words suddenly bounced around in his head. He killed his father. No! Arthur shook his head. He couldn't be dead; it was just a dream wasn't it? Yet Merlin could see. The questions were too much for Arthur, and he was on his feet, before Merlin even had managed to sit up, "I'm… I'm… sorry," he stumbled, as his feet took him to the door, and he heard the boy cough for breath. "I'm sorry."

-o-

Gaius slid from Uther's room silently, and out into the dark corridor. He felt guilty at drugging the king, but what choice did he have. Merlin had to be given the time to convince Prince Arthur to keep his secret, if not… he shook his head. The thought was unbearable. The physician didn't care for himself, if it was decided he was an accomplice, then so be it. He was old and his fate would be whatever it would be, but for Merlin, he was so young, so full of life, and promise. Gaius couldn't bear to see that snuffed out because of old prejudices and mistakes.

Looking at the stationary knight guarding the king's doorway, Gaius pulled his thoughts away from such dark tidings. "No one is to disturb…" he began his instructions, before he was interrupted by the sound of running feet.

Turning to look down the dark corridor he was amazed to see the prince, dishevelled and bare footed skid around the corner, and race towards him.

"No, no no!" Arthur's words tumbled over each other in a rush to escape his lips.

Worried Gaius didn't even have time to speak, before Arthur was on him, grabbing at his robes. "Where is he? What's wrong? What's happened?" he voice broke just gently on the last question.

"Sire," Gaius eyes flittered around the corridor shocked at the prince's distress, and with no idea on its cause. "Calm please"

Arthur's impatience boiled over, as he struggled to control his worry. "Damn you Gaius, speak! My father! Why are you here? What's happened to him?"

Looking over the prince's shoulder, Gaius watched for a second as Merlin too skidded into the corridor, obviously chasing his master.

"Nothing," Gaius answered, his eyes turning from the approaching Merlin to the pale Arthur. "He is fine, perfectly well; I just gave him a potion."

His words seemed to have no effect on the prince, as he watched him shake his head, almost as if he couldn't believe it. Letting go Arthur acknowledged neither his words, nor when Merlin called his name. He simply pushed his way through the double doors of his father's room, and disappeared from sight almost as quickly as he appeared.

Arriving at Gaius' side a second after Arthur left it, Merlin moved to follow the prince, before Gaius caught his arm, stopping him in his hastiness.

"Merlin?" he questioned his eyes wide. "What's happened?"

Pulling his eyes from the door Arthur had disappeared behind, Merlin met his guardians, and Gaius took another deep breath. "You can see?" he questioned, although the answer was obvious.

Merlin nodded, and shook his head at the same time, "Long story, please?" he almost begged looking back to the door. "I have to…"

-o-

Arthur dropped to his knees at the side of his father's bed. The king was… fine. He truly was just asleep. Each of his breaths followed the last with ease. His face as stony and serious in sleep as it was every day.

With a deep breath, Arthur closed his eyes, and leant his head forward, resting against the Pendragon red blanket of his father's bed. The material felt reassuringly scratchy against his forehead. He hadn't done anything, his dream, all be it a magic dream hadn't meant anything. He hadn't killed him, he hadn't betrayed him, he…

Arthur's eyes snapped open, as he heard the doors behind him squeak, and footsteps carry someone to his back. Raising his head slowly he realised he didn't need to look, he knew who it was behind him, of course he did.

"I thought I had killed him." He whispered after a second, trying to explain himself, as his thoughts attempted to sort themselves out into some kind of order. "I saw it, I saw you and…" he turned around to look at his servant. "Him."

Merlin's face soft with understanding he couldn't possibly have, met Arthur's eyes. "Arthur I…"

"Never again." Arthur spoke firmly, turning his eyes back to the king and interrupting the warmth of Merlin's voice that he wasn't sure he deserved. "Never!" his own voice now that cold princely tone, which he had been cultivating from birth to deliberately keep people at arm's length. "Never ever make me choose, because I promise…" Arthurs hands, betrayed his emotion as they screwed the edge of the kings sheet into tight balls. "You will not be so lucky."

-o-

Walking slowly behind Arthur now, as the prince weaved his way back through the maze of corridors to his own rooms, Merlin was deep in thought. Arthur hadn't spoken again since that… threat? Demand? Merlin didn't know what to call it, in Uthers room. Silently he had gotten to his feet, silently he had dragged his hand softly over his father's as he turned away, and silently he had passed the still waiting Gaius in the corridor.

Merlin hadn't broken that silence, he didn't know how or what to say. He wanted to say thank you, for whatever the prince had done, in giving his sight back, but he didn't think that would go down too well right now. More than that, he wanted to offer comfort, take away that pain that seemed to be resting so heavy on Arthurs shoulders, but again he didn't know how, so silently he followed.

Turning as he finally reached his door and opened it, Arthur braced his arm against the frame and blocked Merlin's passage into his sanctum. "Go to bed Merlin." He spoke firmly. "Leave me be."

Merlin froze for a second; there was no way he could leave now. He shook his head, and met Arthur's eyes challengingly.

Arthur's sigh was almost audible, and instead of the shout, Merlin was expecting Arthur's voice just sounded tired. "I gave you your sight back Merlin, what more do you want from me? Go."

Merlin felt his hand twitch. He desperately wanted to reach out to feel Arthurs hand in his once more, for everything to feel ok again. With difficulty, he kept his hand at his side and his eyes firm against the prince.

"Damn it Merlin," Arthur's head dropped forward, and his arm fell from the door. "Are you ever going to do as I ask?"

"Of course Sire." Merlin nodded, Sliding quickly through the gap before the prince had time to change his mind

"Hmm," Arthur just grunted as he followed his servant into the room, he was having a hard time remembering when that last happened.

Moving to his bed, Arthur knelt much as he had in his father's room, and reached for a large box he kept far behind everything else. A box no one knew about, or if they did, they knew well enough to pretend they didn't.

There was only one thing Arthur could think of that would make the memory of this night bearable, and by bearable he realised as he sat back on the soft bed, he meant blurry.

So for the first time ever while someone else was in the room with him Arthur opened the lid. Pushing aside much of the contents of the box Arthur retrieved first one bottle then another, and stood them on the floor, before rearranging the box to make sure everything else was safe. That the small bundle of paper Gaius had given him years before Merlin had arrived remained as un-creased as they had been the day he had first placed them in here. Softly he rested his hand on them a second, and felt a small amount of comfort, before guilt took over. Slamming the lid closed on them, Arthur tightened his throat. He had never understood how letters, with words he had never felt strong enough to read held such power over him.

A crash from the far side of the room snapped his head up. He hadn't forgotten about Merlin, but he was so use to having him around, it hadn't occurred to him to pay attention to what he was doing.

Looking now he realised the boy had been doing his job. The fire was roaring once more, the candles had been lit, and everything that had been sent flying earlier was back in its rightful place. The table held its belongings again, all except for the plate Merlin had dropped and was now on his knees under the table chasing.

Grabbing the two bottles he had retrieved Arthur also grabbed his chair and pulled it in front of the fire. "Get over here, Merlin"

Looking up from his position on the floor, Merlin watched as Arthur fell heavily into his chair, and stood one large bottle of something on the floor next to him. He had been so busy he had no idea what Arthur had been up to, or where the bottle had come from. Rushing to comply with Arthur's call, he bumped his head on the edge of the table as he got up, and was still holding his hand against it, as he stepped in front of Arthur. "Sire?"

Arthur opened his eyes; they had closed in the short time between him falling into the chair, and Merlin's appearance. It was late, or early, he wasn't sure anymore, but he was tired, and he couldn't deny it. Sleep however was the last thing he wanted. To sleep was to dream, and he couldn't risk another of those just yet.

Pulling at the wax seal of the half empty bottle in his lap, he looked up, and nodded to the chair under the window. "Sit," he ordered.

As Merlin moved to do as he was told, Arthur noticed how he held his head. He had hurt himself again, and Arthur fought the urge to roll his eyes.

Taking a mouthful of the strong wine held in the bottle he had finally opened, Arthur smiled as its warmth flooded through him. They had so much to talk about, but he couldn't face any of it. Instead as Merlin pulled the chair Arthur had indicated close and sat down fiddling nervously with his too big shirt sleeves, Arthur thought of the scars he had seen. The sight of Merlin's body wasn't something he was going to forget anytime soon. It wasn't that they disgusted him; he had far too many of his own to be bothered like that, but they did bother him. Taking another swig from the bottle he held it out to his servant next to him.

"Who hurt you Merlin?" he questioned suddenly as Merlin's hands gripped around the bottle

Recoiling Merlin looked shocked. "What?"

Arthur held the bottle out again, and didn't speak until Merlin had taken it this time. "I saw earlier when you changed, your scars."

Merlin took a deep mouthful of whatever was in the bottle in an attempt to disguise the blush assaulting his face, and then was forced to try not to choke on its ferocity. "I wasn't well liked in my village," he spoke cryptically and quickly, avoiding Arthur's eyes. "And I wasn't well liked when I came here."

Arthur looked away, into the fire, he could tell there was more to the story, but Merlin didn't want to go into it. He had been right however it seemed, to suspect he was responsible for some of those marks, him and his favourite flail. For the first time ever he felt bad about an injury he'd inflicted. Merlin had been right to call him a prat. He was.

Reaching for the second bottle at his feet Arthur made no attempt to retake the first from Merlin, instead allowing him to keep it. After the night, nay week they had had this was the least he could do.

For a while they sat in silence each swigging from the bottle clasped in their hands, each consumed with more thoughts then they knew what to do with.

"What happened?" Merlin asked eventually, unable to contain his questions any longer. "What's next? Are you really not going to tell your father?"

Arthur sat in silence for a moment, ignored the first question, not drunk enough to face it yet. The others he just didn't know the answers too. Looking to Merlin, he could see the boys nerves etched on his face, and he remembered what this was all about. The trouble they would both be in, if anyone else learnt of the secret. The threat of death that Merlin lived with everyday he woke up inside this castle.

"What do you want?" he questioned back, skilful avoiding answering.

Merlin looked to the fire where Arthur had been starring until a second ago. "I want to stay here, to serve you to… to see you become king."

"King huh?" Arthur snorted at the idea, the alcohol he had consumed showing its self in his honesty "I'm not even crowned prince."

Merlin nodded vigorously, his own consumption showing. "But you will be."

Arthur took a drink. "You speak as if you have seen it; you can't see the future can you?"

Merlin sat back hard. "No" he answered coldly.

Arthur failed to notice Merlin's tone, his words coming before he had time to think. "What kind of king would I make anyway?" he chattered, showing uncharacteristic self doubt. "One that allows his servant to break the laws of the land, just because he …"

Merlin leant forward again, his heart going out to the prince. "A good one, an… opened minded one." He answered reaching out to touch the other boys arm.

Arthur pulled his arm away and drunk again. "Not one that would impress my father." He answered almost to himself.

Merlin lowered his eyes; the pain was so clear in Arthur's voice. It was as if he could feel it himself. "I…"

"Do you really want to know?" Arthur stood up now, and stepped closer to the fire. "What I did?"

Merlin was on his feet instantly too. "Tell me," he urged.

Arthur tuned his head, and watched as the fire flicked shadows across his servants face. "I chose you Merlin, I chose your… magic, your sight, your life over my father's" he pulled his intense gaze away now, and his hand curled into a fist "and now I have to get up tomorrow and look him in the face knowing that."

Merlin's world spun, so that's what Arthur had meant about choosing. "I didn't know… I…wouldn't…"

"How do I do that?" Arthur questioned, his eyes wide, back on Merlin, demanding from his servant the answer he didn't know. "How do I?"

Merlin's throated tightened, and he felt his eyes well with tears for his prince. He never realised it would be this tough. He would rather have stayed blind than see Arthur like this. Unable to stop himself he reached out once more to touch Arthurs arm, "I'm…"

Arthur took a breath, and moved to run his hand through his hair, shrugging of Merlin's touch as he did. "Forget It." He spoke calmly, and Merlin watched as he shut down all those emotions that threatened him. "What's done cannot be undone." He parroted one of his father's phrases, as he reached down for the bottle he had left on the floor. "I wont…" Arthur's words disappeared, along with his dignity as he lost his balance, and toppled over falling heavily to the floor.

Looking down Merlin managed to stopped himself laughing for a full ten seconds before he could hold it no longer, and it burst nervously from his chest.

Smiling as the tense atmosphere broke around them with Merlin's laughter, Arthur reached out, determined to stick to his words and leave the painful events of tonight in the past. "Oh you think that's funny do you?" he questioned as he grabbed Merlin's ankle and pulled it out from below him.

"Argh," Merlin's laughter quickly disappeared as he too hit the floor, and now it was Arthurs turn to laugh.

"Merlin, you have so much to learn." Arthur lectured, as he stretched his legs out in front of him and rested back on his elbows. "You never laugh at a prince."

"Even if he is falling over drunk?" Merlin whispered, half hoping the prince wouldn't hear, as he crawled to sit next to Arthur.

"Even if he is…hey." Arthur objected, "I'm not drunk. I'll have you know I could drink you under that table any day."

Merlin looked confused at Arthur and then the table, not understanding the meaning. "Why would you want to?"

Arthur just laughed again; sometimes he forgot just what a country boy Merlin was. Laying back he stared at the ceiling and for the first time in what felt like forever he felt himself relax just a touch. He had shared what he had done, and Merlin hadn't condemned him. His father was safe, as was everyone else he cared about, and he had absolutely nothing he should be doing, except draining the last of his secret wine. Which as always was doing the trick of dulling the edges.

Rolling onto his side to reach for the bottle, he looked at Merlin who was now too lying on his back, attempting to drink very inelegantly from his bottle without sitting up, and a question appeared on his lips. Squinting he examined his servant closely. "Are you sure you're a warlock?"

Merlin spat out the drink he had been trying to swallow and sat up in shock. Looking to Arthur he found only questioning eyes awaiting the answer. Pausing he wondered how much he should admit to the prince. Gaius was convinced on as little as possible, and had already told him so but Merlin wasn't so sure. Maybe now was his chance for Arthur to see the real him.

"Yes," he admitted slowly, even though he had never been keen on the term. "I have tried not to be, but..." Merlin paused as he grasped for a way to explain it. "…its part of me, the same as being a prince is part of you."

Arthur's nodded slowly trying to understand, but his next words managed to surprise Merlin even more than the last. "Show me?"

"What?"

Arthur sat up himself now, "Show me something." He repeated, "I want to see."

Merlin shook his head nervously. "You don't."

Arthur poked at Merlin's shoulder. "I do, come on, what are you scared of?"

Merlin tilted his head and just starred at Arthur.

"Yes yes alright," Arthur waved away the look. Suddenly this was the most important thing he could think of, he had a burning desire to see Merlin perform. "but now I'm asking…" Arthur paused, holding his head up high and puffed out his chest, with mock importance. "No, I'm telling you as prince of Camelot…" he let out the breath and dropped his head "… show me."

Merlin laughed, he couldn't remember if he had ever seen Arthur this playful. This drunk, yes, and normally he couldn't remember much the next day, which definitely worked in Merlin's favour. Quickly Before he had time to think anymore, Merlin waved his hand and pulled the animal skin from Arthur tall chair, to the floor next to them.

Arthur looked with drunken eyes from the blanket to his chair and back again. "Is that it?"

Merlin's face fell. "What?"

"I thought it would be more…" Arthur gestured with his hand.

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Ok, hold on." Blowing into a curled fist, he closed his eyes concentrating for a second, before he threw his hand out wide, and blew out every single candle and torch in the room, in a single movement. As he re-opened his eyes he was surprised at how light the room still was, dawn wasn't as far away as they had presumed.

"Is that…"

"Hold on." Merlin snapped, interrupting the disappointed whine, and ignoring the flare of pain it caused, he had always hoped to impress Arthur if he ever got the chance. "What's your favourite animal?"

Arthur paused he wasn't sure he had ever been asked that question before. He thought of his horses, he cared for them, respected their fine power, but he couldn't say they were his favourite kind of animal. His dogs were much the same, he loved them when they were out hunting, but it was rare he spent much time with them otherwise. Then he remembered the pet he had when he was much younger. "I had a bird once."

Merlin nodded, and begun to curl his fingers as if moulding something from the air.

Watching his servant closely Arthur didn't even notice at first as the sparks of the still lit fire begun to move through the air. Twisting and turning around and around each other until, there it was the image of a beautiful falcon crafted in flames.

Arthur opened his mouth, but closed it again. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't take his eyes of it. Such fine detail from each and every feather, to the razor points of its claws, and the twinkle of its eye. It was stunning, it was magic.

"Stop! Enough!" Arthur snapped and looked away quickly reaching for his bottle once more. Magic, the sobering word stung through his brain, in a way he didn't know how to deal with. How could such evil be so beautiful? But was that not what his father had warned him against time and time again?

Looking back to Merlin, once he lowered his drink, he was amazed the fire bird was gone already and the boy had his back turned to him. His words came as if they had life of their own. "This is wrong, I can't allow..." Arthur's voice cracked, as he reached out to Merlin and he felt the boy pull away. "You know I can't, and you can't, ever again."

Merlin nodded so gently Arthur wasn't sure he even moved. "I understand." He spoke softly, his voice tight as he got to his feet. Rejection stinging him so sharply he couldn't even face to look at Arthur. "I'll go."

Arthur felt sick as the boy moved; his pain at being fettered was so thick Arthur could almost taste it, let alone feel it. All he had done was as Arthur had asked and now he was so upset he couldn't even bear to stay in the same room. It was all so wrong.

Reaching out Arthur grabbed his servant's wrist as he past, stopping him silently in his withdrawal. He didn't want him to go; he didn't want him to feel bad about himself, and he definitely didn't want to be alone. Slowly moving his fingers, he entwined them with Merlin's smaller ones, just as they had been for those few hours yesterday; hoping desperately that it would give his servant the same comfort as it did him. Finally after what seemed like an eternity Merlin looked down at him, first to their hands and then to show him those blue eyes once more. As he did Arthur allowed the single word in his heart, to escape his lips.

"Stay?"

* * *

A/N.

Wow so you made it through huh? Yay.

hope it was worth it, hope it was good. please leave me a review, they make me smile.

So we getting near the end, not quite there yet though so till next time,

stay safe Orchid Star x


	13. Chapter 13

a/n: Hi all, i know it's been a while so i wont bother with excuses, but below is the last (sob) chapter.  
Thank you to everyone that has encouraged me, and i mean everyone, from you reviewers that feel like friends to those who have just put this story on there alerts list, but didn't comment, and there is quite a few of you ;o) ( p.s, nows ur time, lol)

It has really been so much fun posting this story, and if your've enjoyed it half as much as i have writting it, then i think we have had a good time.

I'm not ruling out a sequal, that is if your'd be interested in one, of course.

Please anyone that has enjoyed any part of this story, take this oppotunity to leave me a review and let me know. Cookies if you do.

BTW... Theres not going to be an AN at the end, so this is for the last time, All my love Orchid star xx

* * *

Without him -  
Chapter 13

* * *

"_Merlin."_

Rolling over on the soft bed, Merlin frowned as bright sunlight streamed on to his face.

Opening one sleep filled eye he squinted at the window, and groaned inward. It was mid-day or close to it, and even the sound of his own breath was to much for his sensitive head, never mind the sound of clashing armour drifting up from the knights practicing in the courtyard below. Closing his eyes he fantasised for a moment about a cup of ice cold water, sliding down his dry throat, and soothing the growling animal that had taken up residence in his head. But even the tempting thought wasn't enough to make him want to risk moving far. Instead he rolled over once more, carefully, and looked back to his bed companion; probably as hung over as he was, but thankfully still asleep, Arthur.

With his face so close he could feel the other boy's breath whispering across his own lips, Merlin felt his chest tighten. Arthur eyes were shut gently, his long lashes resting heavily on his cheeks, his mouth open just slightly, allowing those shallow breaths Merlin could feel escape across his dark lips.

"_Merlin."_

No one had been in to wake him this morning Of course they hadn't, after all that was Merlin's job, and no one was likely to volunteer for it. Mornings were not known to be Arthur's friend.

What would they have said if someone had arrived to wake the prince and found Merlin there asleep, not only in his master's room, but in his master's bed? If it was a servant, any servant, probably nothing until they saw another, and then the gossip would have kept the castle's kitchens humming for a week. If it was Morgana, Gwen, or even Gaius, he doubted there would be anything said. They had all at various times born witness to the boy's remarkable closeness. Uther however, now this one scared Merlin. He couldn't imagine the king would be too happy to see him there; lying on the Pendragon red quilt, a servant would deserve the floor and nothing else in the kings eyes.

Merlin knew that where his place was, but Arthur hadn't seen things that way. When both bottles were finally empty and the dawn chorus was drifting in through the windows. Merlin had battled in vain to keep his bed on the floor. But Arthur would hear none of it. If Merlin was staying on the floor then so was he. The memory of Arthurs determined look brought a smile to Merlin's face. Unable to let the prince sleep on the floor, he had finally given in and staggered, his hand guided by Arthur, to the far side of this large bed, and rested his head.

They hadn't spoken about magic again last night, instead filling the time between Arthur's request and then swapping stories and gossiping enough to put the kitchen maids to shame. Whether it was their fear of silences or that strong wine of Arthurs, which kept their tongues lubricated the whole time, would be a debate neither would entertain. A third bottle of the wine had appeared from behind… behind… Merlin frowned now, as he desperately tried to remember where Arthur had found the third bottle. The prince had told him to close his eyes, but he distinctly remembered peeking through the fingers that he had held over them. He shook his head, and had to bite his lip from crying out from the waves of nausea the action sent through his body. It wasn't important he realised as he reminded himself not to do that again any time soon.

"_Merlin."_

Using more strength than he knew he had, Merlin forced his aching muscles to move and begun to slide from the most comfortable bed he had ever, or was mostly likely ever to sleep in. Unable to ignore that nagging voice in his head anymore, he silently let his feet find the floor and was surprised by the cold, and the realisation his feet were bare. Until another memory raised its head from the dark corners of his mind. He remember sitting just like this, but with Arthur at his feet, pulling on his boot's so hard that when they finally slid from his feet the prince was sent spiralling back, his balance long gone. The image would have made him laugh, if he hadn't thought the act would split his head open.

Cracking open one eye, Arthur watched as Merlin finally got to his feet, and begun to move around. He had been awake from the boys first movement, but saw no reason to let him know that just yet. Watching, he was bemused as he saw his servant hesitate by the long side table. His hand seemed to briefly consider reaching for the goblet sat there, and the covered jug of fresh water that had been placed by it sometime yesterday, instead however he pulled himself away. Now Arthur knew they had drunk a lot last night, but in fairness he was used to drinking a lot, so he knew if even he could feel that dull drink induced throb behind his eyes, and the dry throat that felt as if he had been up most of the night eating ashes, he was certain Merlin must be suffering worse. So he didn't understand why he did not take the water that he so needed and had definitely been tempted by. Continuing to watch he saw Merlin bend to retrieve first his boots, then his own shirt, and with arms full of his own belongings head towards the door.

Now Arthur felt his chest tighten. Surely Merlin wasn't about to go without saying something? Without waking him? Maybe it was for the best Arthur thought and tried to push the feeling away, as Merlin reached for the door handle, maybe he should just let him go, pretend to be asleep. Wouldn't that be easier?

"Where are you going?"

Merlin jumped as the voice suddenly echoed around the room. Turning back he looked to the sight he had been avoiding. Arthur lay propped up on his elbows, his blond hair a mess, his clothes disarrayed as if he had slept in them, which of course he had.

"I…I..." Merlin was lost for words.

Sitting up fully, Arthur pointed to the goblet Merlin had hesitated at earlier. "Bring me water." He ordered.

Dropping his belongings immediately, Merlin rushed to do as he was ordered.

Taking one sip from the goblet Arthur then held it out to Merlin. "Drink," he instructed.

Taking the water Merlin drunk deeply and was relieved by it, but suddenly as he lowered the goblet he realised Arthur was watching him. "Never be afraid to ask for something you want Merlin."

"You were awake?" Merlin questioned, his eyes widening as he realised his actions had been seen.

"A deep sleep is the undoing of many a king and prince," Arthur spoke cryptically, as if quoting another. "It has not been a weakness of mine for many years."

Merlin peered at Arthur. There was obviously a story there he didn't know. Silently he resolved to ask Gwen or even Gaius about it later.

"And you were leaving?"

Merlin smiled warmly, as Arthur looked away. "I cannot stay forever, I have duties. My master doesn't like it when I'm late."

Swinging his legs off the edge of the bed Arthur found his feet with a small smile of his own. "Your master won't like it if you're caught in his shirt Merlin." He poked gently at the boy's chest, "change before you leave."

"Yes sire," Merlin nodded, as he watched Arthur approach the window overlooking the courtyard. They had fallen back into their comfortable relationship, and it made his heart sing. Maybe things would be ok between them, maybe everything had worked out. Moving back to where he had dropped his shirt he addressed Arthurs back. "So what are your plans for the day?"

Looking at the reflection of Merlin in the glass, Arthur watched in silence as the boy changed, oblivious to his gaze. As he removed the white shirt, Arthur had a pang of regret; the large shirt somehow suited him now, and the blue one he replaced it with looked drab in comparison. Maybe he should have let him keep it. His father wouldn't have approved, but did that matter? Arthur wasn't sure anymore. What did matter was that Uther would probably have Merlin locked up for thievery before Arthur even had time to explain. Not that he knew how he would explain that he preferred his servant in his clothes.

"Arthur?"

Looking to the reflection Arthur realised Merlin had finished changing and was now waiting an answer. "I…" Arthur paused to drag his thoughts to the present, and turned around. "I have to see my father." He spoke not able to meet Merlin's eyes. "I have actions to answer for." As he looked up Arthur found Merlin was now the one distracted, with his attention on the door. "Am I keeping you from something?"

"I err…" Merlin shook his head, as he looked back. "No, but…Gaius will be wondering where I…"

Arthur nodded, a strange pain in his chest appearing, he couldn't remember the last time someone had worried over his whereabouts, unless they were expecting him for something. "Go then." He ordered lightly and turned back to the view of the knights practising below.

"I won't be long," Merlin answered, and Arthur heard him open the door. "I'll bring you some breakfast back."

Arthur took a breath, and turned suddenly. "Wait…," the order escaped his throat a second too late as the door closed behind his servant.

-o-

"_Merlin."_

Standing in the corridor Merlin frowned as the voice filled his head once more. He hadn't wanted to leave, but he had to answer the dragons call before it drove him completely mad. Turning the first corner so quickly he failed to notice the person approaching him before it was too late, and they both went flying in a explosion of clean clothes.

Looking up from the floor he was horrified to find a friendly face scrambling to her feet. "Gwen. Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you there, I…" he paused as he noticed her just staring, "What?"

"Merlin," Gwen greeted a large smile erupting across her face, "you can see me?"

"Oh I…" Merlin blushed and looked away quickly. Buying himself a second as he begun re-gathering the clothes he had knocked from her hands, "Yes, it wore off, like Ga… Gaius said."

"Merlin," Gwen dropped to her knees again and reached for his moving hands. "That is wonderful news."

"_Merlin!" _

"I'm sorry Gwen," Merlin pulled his hands away and pushed the clothes he had managed to gather into their place. "I have to go."

"Merlin" Gwen called after him as he stood up and began backing away. "Is everything ok? Is it Arthur? Was Uther hard on him?"

"Arthur?" Merlin turned back instantly. "Uther? Hard on him? What do you mean?"

Standing up, Gwen looked closer at him, "Did you not hear what Arthur did last night?" her face fell just slightly. "Did he not come to you?"

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it again. He knew plenty about what Arthur had done last night, but none of which she would know about. Stepping closer to her he reached for her arm. The dragon could wait. "Tell me."

-o-

Standing In his doorway Arthur listened as Gwen explained his behaviour at his father's meal last night.

"And now he's in trouble?" Merlin's voice thick with worry echoed loudly around the corner, and Arthur shrank back a little. He wasn't sure why be he would rather Merlin hadn't heard about the dinner. He was quite prepared to face the consequences of his actions, whatever they be, without fuss.

Leaning forward once more as Gwen's sweet voice began reassuring the servant, with fake promises of Uther's lenience towards his son, Arthur shook his head. Merlin worried too much. What came next surprised him however.

"No, no I haven't seen him," he heard Merlin lie. "I went to his room but he's not there."

"Oh I thought perhaps," now he heard disappointment in Gwen's voice, she thought he hadn't listened to her. Why had Merlin lied?

"I heard the knights' practicing earlier perhaps he is with them." Gwen continued to try and be helpful.

"Thank you Gwen you're a star." Merlin's grateful voice began to fade as he obviously moved away. "I'll go look now."

Stepping away from his door Arthur realised he couldn't follow Merlin without passing Gwen. Taking a deep breath he rounded the corner to find the servant still on her knees collecting the clothes Merlin had sent flying.

"Guinevere."

"Oh Sire," Gwen's face lit with confusion as she looked up at the prince, unsure of where he had come from. "Merlin's lo…"

"I know I'm just on my way." Arthur didn't stop as he continued to follow Merlin's footsteps, eager to question him about the lie. "But thank you," he called back over his shoulder, as he disappeared from her sight.

Hurrying along through the mazes of corridors he had thought he knew blindfolded untill last night, Arthur stopped only when he reached the door to the courtyard Merlin needed to use to return to his own quarters and found no sign of him.

-o-

Leaning against the door way down to his fate, Merlin breathed out heavily. Every time he stopped he felt like it took the world a second or two to catch up with him. The effect was head-spinning, but no worse than the dragon's constant call. Pushing himself away, he stepped through the gates with a heavy feeling on his shoulders.

"Are you here?" he called before his feet had even left the last step, and cursed the loud echo his voice caused in the cavern.

"Merlin" the great dragon's voice rose from below him, but for once he did not appear.

"What do you want?" Merlin demanded. "All morning! What?"

Battering the boy with the draught from his giant wings the dragon finally decided to appear, and not to mince his words. "Has the young Pendragon chosen?"

Merlin's eyes narrowed. "You knew what he had to do?" he questioned, rage growing inside him, "You knew and you still told him to… how could you make him do that?"

The dragons face showed no emotion. "It is unavoidable."

Merlin stepped further on to the ledge. "I won't let you make him do it again." He swore as he remembered Arthur broken and kneeling at his father's bed.

"I have seen what's in both your hearts." The dragon spoke softly. "What is small but is growing, I see you care for him, and want to prevent his pain, but as long as the elder Pendragon is alive, he will have to choose, again and again."

"No." Merlin shook his head. "NO I won't let…"

"That is his curse," the dragon interrupted, slightly impatiently. "For knowing your truth,"

Merlin paused. He had never truly thought on what it would mean for Arthur if he knew about his magic. The threat had always seemed to be about its effects on Merlin's life, but slowly he realised the dragon was right, last night's choice was only the first, after all Arthur was already in trouble with his father. "What… what if he didn't know?"

"Then there is no choice"

Merlin's face crinkled, as he tried to think. "Can I change history?"

The dragon shook his giant head. "What's done can't be undone,"

Merlin sighed "Then why…?"

"Only the memory of it lost."

Merlin took a deep breath. "This is why you called me? This is what you want? For Arthur to forget?"

"No," the dragon blinked at Merlin. "For everyone."

Merlin's world was spinning but now it had nothing to do with the hangover. He had wanted Arthur to know for so long, and now... "Do you know what you're asking of me?"

"Only your destiny."

Merlin spun away for a second, and blinked his eyes furiously at the rock, could he do this? As he faced the doorway Merlin's eyes suddenly noticed a shadow moving on the stairs.

"Hello?"

-o-

Arthur jumped to his feet, at the question.

A guard had eventually pointed him in the direction Merlin was seen disappearing towards, and he had been amazed to find it was the dungeons. At a distance he followed, and quickly realised that this was where Merlin had taken him last night, where his magic friend had given them an audience. Sneaking down the steps he had stopped once he could hear voices.

Growing up in the court Arthur had spent much of his childhood listening at doors, always keen to know what was going on with his father, but he had never learnt as much as he had in the last two days.

Turning quickly, he stumbled on the steep steps, but was stopped by his name. He was caught.

"Arthur?" Merlin's voice was a mixture of shock and fright. "What are you..?"

"What are you?" he demanded back. "You said no more…, and now you're here, with him?"

Merlin looked over his shoulder, at least Arthur still didn't know about the dragon, but by the time he looked back Arthur was already stepping away. "I'm sorry," he almost begged "I'm sorry I didn't know…"

"Were you going to do that?" Arthur demanded unable to believe what he had heard was even possible. "Take away my memory; make me forget what you are. Lie to me again?"

Merlin paled. The prince had heard everything. "I don't…"

"I can't trust you." Arthur summarised his blood rushing through his body so hard he could feel it. "My father was right, magic is…" The word stuck in his throat as he looked to Merlin's distraught face.

"What do you want me to do?" Merlin questioned, fighting to keep the tears he had felt earlier back, "You knowing makes you vulnerable, your father is already punishing you. I can't." his voice cracked.

Arthur reached out his hand moving to the boys turned away face. "I can handle my father, the punishment, it's nothing, I promise you. A day in the cell, a fine, a horse, it's nothing I can't handle."

Merlin swallowed hard. The feeling of Arthur's hand against his face, his fingers stroking across his cheek bone, was distracting to say the least. "Can you promise me nothing will change?" he questioned. "That you will listen to me because of who I am and not what?" his voice cracked. "Promise me that you will not come to me first when you would of last, and I swear I won't do anything."

Arthur was breathless as Merlin's hand reached up to circle his wrist. "I…"

"Merlin!" the dragon's voice loud and demanding suddenly echoed around them, and Arthur pulled away from Merlin immediately.

Merlin jumped at the loss of contact, he heard the dragon but he didn't care. "Arthur?"

With the moment between them broken Arthur turned away. "I have to think."

-o-

"WHY?" Merlin turned the second Arthur was out of his site, and practically fell down the steps in his hurry to return to the dragon. "WHY?" he demanded.

"You are right, he will be weak." The dragon spoke calmly. "He will be constantly pulled between you and his father. He will use his feelings for you both to make choices rather than logic. Unable to ever find his own mind, an indecisive king he will make, and that will benefit no one. After crowned he will last less than a year."

"No," Merlin fell to his knees; He could not believe that was the future for his strong prince. "No you are wrong. He will promise me."

"His words on this can not change the future Merlin," the dragon spoke softly to the distraught warlock. "Only yours."

-o-

Slamming the door behind him, as he entered his room Arthur's confusion had returned to anger, and with his temper flaring he kicked at a chair sending it crashing into the fire place.

Breathing hard from the exertion Arthur was filled with questions. If Merlin and his 'magic friend' could do this now, had he done it before? Would he do it again? How many things had happened before that Arthur didn't remember?

Falling down to his bed, Arthur shook his head. Those questions were unfair. Merlin had seemed as conflicted about this as he had. So why was he even considering it?

Thinking of his servant, he closed his eyes, and in front of them, the image that had kept him awake half the night appeared; Merlin's firebird. Strong, and beautiful, with detail he couldn't even begin to describe, the magic creature captivated him.

The first time he had seen it with closed eyes last night; he had rolled to Merlin to tell him to stop. To his surprise the boy was already asleep, on his side with his hands beneath his head, his face turned to Arthur. With his eyes shut tight, and his breathing relaxed he looked so peaceful, it made Arthur's heart ache. He couldn't have looked any more different to the last time Arthur had seen him unconscious if he had been trying. Reaching out with unsteady fingers, he had brushed a lock of Merlin's dark hair away from his eyes, and smiled at the way the boy had mumbled at his touch but not woken. Turning back, and closing his eyes again, he had found the fire bird still there, hovering just in view, and despite the fact that he knew it was just from his own memory, he couldn't help but smile.

Now as he lay once more on the bed he felt himself tense at the sight. Would that be the one of the memories Merlin would take from him. And if that, what else? The image of that stunning, blue magic ball that had saved him? The memory of their hands feeling more natural entwined together, than not? The feeling of needing, and being able to rely on each other during both there stints of blindness? Was he going to take away that moment of pure unadulterated joy, Arthur had had when he saw Merlin for the first time after thinking him dead?

Or would it just the memories of the dream, his heart wrenching choice, the sights and sounds of his father's death. Maybe just the memory he had of feeling empty and broken when he believed Merlin dead. Or his feeling of betrayal once he realised Merlin had never shown his true self until now.

Sure it would be easier without those memories, but at the cost of the others? The cost of not knowing the real Merlin?

Sitting up suddenly Arthur remembered something. Reaching below his pillow, his fingers found the red scrap of material he had tossed so causally there last night and promptly forgot about. Picking it up gently, Arthur sat with it in his hands, and just stared; Merlin's scarf, his blindfold.

The red fabric brought forward another memory, this one in Merlin's room. Arthur had asked him to use the blue scarf, but Merlin had insisted on the red. He was a prince after all, so red it had to be. Arthur had wondered if Merlin was just trying to get his own back for that embarrassing servants outfit. Now he was almost certain.

Reaching below the bed he grabbed once more for his secret chest, and pulled it to him. Folding the fabric as small as it would go, he laid it upon the letters, and closed the chest quickly before any other memories could escape it.

Damn it all, reason, pain, magic and law, he wanted his fire bird.

Moving to stand up, he felt the floor begin to shake as his feet landed on it. Looking to the duelling helmets he collected, as they begun to rattle on their stands he realised it wasn't just the floor, the entire castle shook on its foundations, and Arthur could think of only one reason.

"MERLIN!"

-o-

With tears burning on his face, Merlin fell exhausted on to his own bed. The room around him, thick with magic that made his blood sing, shook from the dragons mighty roar.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, as he heard Arthur's cry of his name and the pain it held, pierce through everything. "I.."

-o-

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Fin.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N- Oh ok ok, yes your right, i couldn't leave it like that. i had to come back for just one more. ;)

This one is a little thank you for everyone that has ever reviewed, and i hope it makes you a little warmer than the last chapter.

Sequal is looking likly, (loving the idea of exploring arthur's feelings if he finds out what merlin did.) but it probably won't be my next merlin project, because i've already started on that. which i hope your come by and see, once i start posting.

love Ppr.

* * *

Epilogue.

* * *

Standing at the top of the battlements Arthur didn't move for a long time. The wind battered his face, and curled his hair around his neck, but he barely noticed. His father and Morgana had left him some time back, the cold driving them indoors.

He and Morgana had been summoned by Uther to watch Beilard's retreat, and although he wasn't sure what had happened there, he wasn't really concerned. He was certain his father had explained it during their meal last night, but the wine they had consumed at the same time, made it a little fuzzy. The traditional after punishment meal, had gone remarkably well, even if it did mean his head pounded a little this morning when a servant had knocked on his door and woke him with his father's request.

"_I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that."_ His father's words this morning were clear as they repeated in his head, and brought a smile to his face. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard something like that from his father, and it meant more than he could ever express. The rest of his conversation with his father this morning however had been confusing, and left him with a few questions. None that would probably get answered he realised with a sigh. When it came to magic his father was as open as a locked chest.

Turning away from the sight of the forest he looked back to the castle, just for a moment back in that cave searching for Merlin's cure, he had thought he wouldn't see this place again, and then the light had come and shown him home. It was some kind of magic he knew it, and despite his father's harsh words about such things, he couldn't bring himself to resent what had saved his life, and not only his life, Merlin's too.

Thinking of his servant he felt a tug in his chest. He hadn't seen him since, well since before he left for his quest, it was really bothering him, but he was working hard to ignore it. After leaving his cell yesterday he had busied himself with official duties until he was required at his father's meal, and this morning he had slept late.

He knew he was well, he knew the flower he had retrieved had worked, after Gwen had smuggled it from his cell. In fact he hadn't slept in his cell, until he knew that very thing, and when Morgana had visited him to tell him, he had wanted to cry in relief, not that he did of course.

Turning decisively from the view, as a light rain begun he stepped towards the door. He had known what he wanted to do from the second he knew Merlin was alive, now he had to do it. He had to see him.

-o-

"My lady" Gwen greeted her mistress as Morgana appeared at the doorway of her own room, with a smile and an incline of her head.

Morgana smiled back at her servant and headed towards the fire, being up on the battlements had chilled her and she was keen to find warmth.

"How is Arthur?" Gwen questioned. Her back to the lady as she straightened out the comforter on the bed. She had only seen the prince once since retrieving the flower from him, having been to afraid to visit him in his cell again, and she wondered how he had coped with his incarceration.

"Thoughtful" Morgana answered, reaching up to pull a pin from her hair. "Very un-Arthur like."

Gwen turned, her job finished, "Is there anything I can do?"

Morgana smiled at her servant. "As much as I value all your skills Gwen," she spoke cheerfully. "I doubt even you can change the mood of our stubborn prince."

Gwen allowed herself to laugh as Morgana did. "I meant for you my lady." She continued eventually. "I was hoping to see Merlin this afternoon, and I…"

"Oh" Morgana interrupted her explanation with a sad noise. "How is he?"

"Bored I believe is the word he used to describe himself last." Gwen tilted her head slightly as she remembered her last visit. "Gaius has had him on strict bed rest. The poison made him so weak."

"Has he said anything about the ki…"

"No, no," Gwen interrupted blushing furiously, as she remembered her moment of madness when she had been unable to hide her complete joy, at Merlin's recovery. "I'm hoping he's forgotten."

-o-

"Come on lazy!" Gaius' voice called through his chambers and into Merlin's small room, where the boy stood dressing.

Merlin smiled, he was happy about the physician having finally given him permission to get up, even if it did come with nagging. Now he had only one thing left that his heart desired; to see Arthur.

Gaius had finally, but only after much questioning, admitted to him Arthur's fate for saving him; a week in the cell's. The thought horrified Merlin, and he had wanted to go and see him straight away of course. At first he was too weak. Then he had Gaius forbidding him, Gwen's refusal to help, and even Uther's decree of no visitors, after he had found Morgana there one night. Still Merlin would have gone, no obstacle big enough, if it hadn't been for the dragons voice shouting so loud in his head he could barely think, demanding that he not, every time he tried to set foot outside.

Gwen on her many visit's, which could not pass without her blushing at him at least once, had given him more details. Arthur had disobeyed his father's direct wishes for him. He had risked his life, that bit Merlin knew himself, his dreams having been haunted by that fear he had felt in Arthur while he was in the cave.

He didn't know why Arthur had done all those things for him; all he knew was that without doubt he would do them all back, in a heartbeat.

-o-

Standing at the top of the stairs that led to Gaius chambers, Arthur shook the rain from his hair, and jacket. Running across the courtyard as the rain fell had given him a strange feeling of something, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. Shaking his head again he pushed it away. It had been an odd day from the moment he had woken up this morning, and had been overcome with the strongest desire to wear red. It had taken a search through nearly all he clothes until he had found the tunic he now wore.

Taking a deep breath he stepped into the open doorway, and froze for a second. Gaius stood to one side, but there was Merlin, directly in front of him, his back hunched over the table. Stepping forward before he lost his nerve, he nodded his head just slightly at Gaius and approached his servant. "Still alive then!"

Merlin turned with tired eyes that suddenly sparkled as they lit on Arthur, "Yeah, just about," he grinned and looked away embarrassed at his own delight in seeing the prince.

Arthur just returned the grin, stepping closer still, as he let his eyes drink in the sight that took his breath away.

Merlin's face turned serious as he looked back. "I… err, I understand I have you to thank for that."

"Yeah well it was nothing," Arthur rolled his eyes and looked away himself suddenly feeling self-conscious, with Merlin's large eyes staring up at him. "A half decent servant is hard to come by."

Merlin smiled and looked away coming from Arthur that was practically a compliment.

Arthur tightened his hand on the back of the chair, as he began to feel uncomfortable. "I was only dropping by to make sure you were alright." He paused as he realised that sounded strange, no matter how true. Turning away he looked for a way to qualify it. "Check you'd be back to work tomorrow." He added his own eyes flashing wide.

"Oh yeah yeah" Merlin hid his disappointment that Arthur was leaving already, as he watched his back. "Course. Bright and early."

Arthur breathed easier as he approached the door, his longing sated just from the few seconds in Merlin's company. "Gaius." He nodded happily as he passed the old man.

"Arthur." The call of his name made his heart leap, and he turned immediately to find those beautiful eyes back on him. "Thank you." The heartfelt emotion in Merlin's voice took his breath away again.

"You too." He replied nodding, when he caught his breath. He meant it for so many things, more than he could name. "Get some rest."

Pulling away he stepped out of the door quickly before he had time to think again. He couldn't be seen spending the evening in his servants quarters, he just couldn't. Could he?

Barely two steps away before he heard Gaius voice escape the open door. "Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart is a man of honour. There is not many would do what he did for a servant."

He paused, it was true. There were those that called themselves his friends, that didn't even know the name of their manservant's. So why had he done what he had? Why did he need to come here today? Why could he not bear the thought of being without him?

Arthur didn't know the answers; there was just something about Merlin, something he couldn't put his finger on. Staring at the bright flaming torch on the wall, Arthur squinted as just for a second the flames appeared to flicker in to a recognisable shape. Shaking his head he turned away and begun back to his own quarters. Today really was a strange day, after all he couldn't even remember the last time he had seen a bird of prey.

-o-

* * *

A/n: xxx


End file.
